10 May 2009

So I'm back to actively gaining after a few weeks of...well...not much.

After all I've eaten the last few days, I do believe I will be up to 193 lbs by tomorrow. I feel the familiar itch that says my belly is swelling again...

The plan now is to keep the momentum going, to consistently overeat by at least 500 calories every day. I'm planning to gain a pound a week (modest but much more do-able than a dramatically fast gain). Recently I've discovered McDonald's chocolate shakes. 1200 cals of fat and sugar for about three dollars...who could ask for more?

I've given it a lot of thought and have decided to aim for 250 lbs. I've looked at pictures of other guys about my height and think the ones who are around 250 are what I want to look like: chunky all over with a big round belly.

Even though right now I'm fatter than I've ever been in my life, I feel so skinny.

When I run my hands over my belly, I can feel how much more solid it's getting, how it's starting to rest on the tops of my thighs when I sit, and how it's really starting to make itself known when I try to bend over to pick stuff up...but still, I try to imagine what it's going to be like, what my whole body's going to be like, after I gain more than 50 pounds.

A very long time ago, in my early twenties, I weighed about 130 lbs. I can see the incredible diffrerence putting on that first fifty pounds has made (people who knew me in college don't recognize me now). I know the next fifty is going to be equally dramatic. I am simultaneously very excited thinking about this but also, somewhere very deep inside of me feels that this is just so *right*. The heavier I get, the more I feel like I'm becoming what I was supposed to be all along...