9 July 2010

Well that didn't take long. I've managed to put on a few more pounds...this week alone I've gained two or three more pounds (not sure how I managed that...but I'm happy about it).

I currently weigh in at 198 lbs. This is the most I've ever weighed in my life and it's funny that, after all the past bingeing, I managed to get here without even trying.

I plan to take some pictures at 200 lbs (later this week if I keep packing it on the way I've been doing lately).

I was gaining pretty well until April/May...got to the point where it was hard to take a deep breath because the skin on my stomach was so tight. When I lost a few pounds, everything loosened up again. It was a bit of a relief but also disappointing. I don't like the idea of shrinking back to skinny old me.

Now that I'm back up to where I was before, my belly is feeling really tight again. I have a feeling that stretch marks are in my immediate future because I don't plan to stop at (my previous goal of) 200 lbs. The more I gain, it seems, the more potential I see. All I've got going on right now is a good framework. The belly's there, well, started anyway, but it's not nearly as large what I am planning to be.

Somehow I imagined that I'd be a whole lot fatter at 200 lbs (well, 198...though I don't imagine 2 lbs is going to make too much of a difference to my size) . And don't get me wrong, I'm a heck of a lot bigger than I was back when I started this (150lbs in 1995).

I hesitate to name a number or goal now because although I have a picture in my mind of how fat I want to be, I realize now that I have no idea at what weight this will happen for me.

So I guess it's just eat, eat, and eat some more until I finally feel like I'm my proper size.