27 December 2009

So this is where I'm currently at: 192 lbs. As you can see, I've definitely gained back the missing weight to my belly - it's never been as big as it is right now. I'm developing the "overhang" now and I think pretty soon that belt buckle is going to disappear completely.

I also appear to be gaining higher up on my midsection - for the first time my profile looks kind of square. I see a lot of potential here and look forward to seeing what the next 15 or 20 lbs brings.

10 December 2009

It's 4 am, can't sleep.

Gaining at least a pound a week right now. I'm not really keeping track of how much I eat (no time) but I do know I've managed to train myself to consistently eat more. I'd love to get to where I'm packing on two or three pounds a week. Maybe that will come, maybe it won't. Although I'd love to, I know I don't want to gain any faster than that. I've tried it in the past and all I've done is make myself sick. I'm going slow and steady, which in one sense is frustrating because it seems like right now all I'm doing is gaining and losing the same 15 pounds. That being said, I'm proud of the fact that I've managed to regain ten pounds in the last eight weeks.

And what is interesting is that right now I feel less fat than I did when I was 180lbs. Just checked and I tip the scales at 191. At 180, when I walked, I could feel myself jiggle. At 185, I felt even jigglier as the weight started to pack on again.

Right now, I hardly jiggle at all. Don't get me wrong - I'm definitely starting to bulge (big time) in all the right places. I think it's because I'm approaching my all time highest weight - my skin is starting to feel tight again as I fill out.

In one sense it's getting easier to gain because I'm not jiggling all over the place (very distracting). I'm getting bigger and, like I said before, it's just feeling more and more natural. I wonder if, when I'm a lot fatter, I will start to feel jiggly again? Or does this only happen when I lose weight and the skin gets all loose and gross?

I guess the solution is to just keep on eating, try to keep what I've gained so far and work on getting fatter and fatter. I'm actually really happy with the idea of just gaining until I figure I'm fat enough. I have no idea what magic number that will be. In the past I had estimates, based on what others looked like at a certain weight and height, that I figured would be good for me. Now I realize it's less about how I look and more about how I feel.

All I know is that right now, at least, I'm feeling really good about this and am looking forward growing bigger.

7 December 2009

No, I haven't died. I've just been busy and computer access has been spotty at best. Sorry for the delay.

I'm back up to a solid 190lbs and on track to make 195 before Christmas. I think the cold, dark weather really helps me to gain. I'm hungry all the time and I've been eating as much as I can, as often as I can.

My belly is filling in a little differently this time - it's just getting solider and denser instead of jiggly and soft. I think I'm exercising more and that's helping and I'm watching my diet. Eating healthy food and lots of it.

The gain feels natural (I've been this fat before) and I really do believe I was meant to be fatter than average.

I'll try to keep posting on a more regular basis as things progress.

Wish me luck