Well, I'm down about three pounds as of today. I suspect it's muscle mass because I've been extremely un-active the past month or so. It seems like winter is dragging on forever.
The good news is, despite the drop in the numbers on the scale, my belly's bigger than ever. This makes me happy.
I was out walking today near the river and went down a long flight of stairs from the top of the bluff to the river's edge. Going back up was a real chore - I was reminded of just how out of shape I've let myself get. I had to stop a couple of times to catch my breath on the way back up which is scary because I'm getting fat...but I'm not *that* fat yet.
By the time I got to the top I realized I've been unconsciously sucking in my gut and this is preventing me from breathing properly. Once I focused on relaxing my abdominal muscles and taking in deep breaths, it was amazing how much further my stomach stuck out. The skin on my stomach and love handles stretched out tight and itched like crazy. It's hard to tell with all the hair I have growing there but it appears as though I've gained some stretch marks today. It certainly feels like I have. I knew it was just a matter of time.
I'm okay with it because I know stretch marks are the price to be paid for getting bigger.
Thursday, April 19, 2018
Friday, April 6, 2018
6 April 2018
Well, I've had to go out and buy new pants. In case anyone's keeping score, I am now comfortably a size 44.
I'm going to the Edmonton Grommoff "food crawl" tomorrow and decided to dress a little bit better than usual: black jeans and a nice dress shirt. It's kind of crazy just how much bigger I look when I'm wearing clothes that actually fit instead of my usual baggy t-shirts and track pants.
Looking in the mirror, I can't help but to think how awesome it is that my shoulders, arms, chest and belly are getting bigger by the moment because every day I consume roughly double the amount of calories recommended for someone my height and build.
One of the things I'm working on is to increase how much food I can reasonably handle without making myself sick. I'd love to be able to eat triple my basic caloric requirement every day because doing so would put the weight on faster and more consistently. Admittedly I am not the most effective gainer, but seeing the progress I've made so far is really motivating me to step things up now.
I realize it's asking a lot of the Universe/Fate/whatever you want to call it, but I sure hope I'm able to connect with someone tomorrow who sees my potential and who will want to help me get a LOT bigger than I've been able to on my own.
I'm going to the Edmonton Grommoff "food crawl" tomorrow and decided to dress a little bit better than usual: black jeans and a nice dress shirt. It's kind of crazy just how much bigger I look when I'm wearing clothes that actually fit instead of my usual baggy t-shirts and track pants.
Looking in the mirror, I can't help but to think how awesome it is that my shoulders, arms, chest and belly are getting bigger by the moment because every day I consume roughly double the amount of calories recommended for someone my height and build.
One of the things I'm working on is to increase how much food I can reasonably handle without making myself sick. I'd love to be able to eat triple my basic caloric requirement every day because doing so would put the weight on faster and more consistently. Admittedly I am not the most effective gainer, but seeing the progress I've made so far is really motivating me to step things up now.
I realize it's asking a lot of the Universe/Fate/whatever you want to call it, but I sure hope I'm able to connect with someone tomorrow who sees my potential and who will want to help me get a LOT bigger than I've been able to on my own.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
3 April 2018
As always, it's easy to gain it back after losing a few pounds because.. honestly...I haven't been trying that hard lately and I'm already at 218. I think it's a combination of not working right now and having more time to eat.
And I can tell I'm past my all-time high because my stomach has gone from feeling soft and squishy to being very, very solid.
There is also a vague itchiness a few inches to either side of my navel that tells me the skin is stretching again and I'm not surprised by this. I can tell just by the way my shirts are fitting differently now that my belly has gotten bigger and rounder.
It's odd because even though I've the heaviest I've ever been, in some ways I feel less fat right now because I'm jiggling less. I suspect that this is just a blip based on my relative weight and size and that after I've gained more weight, my body mechanics will be sufficiently changed that I'll be aware of how fat I've gotten every time I move.
Is it weird that I'm looking forward to this?
I'm starting up again with the gainer shakes again because I've decided to push to 235 and would like to get there over the next few weeks. Shouldn't be too hard - I'm less than 20 pounds away from that now.
And I can tell I'm past my all-time high because my stomach has gone from feeling soft and squishy to being very, very solid.
There is also a vague itchiness a few inches to either side of my navel that tells me the skin is stretching again and I'm not surprised by this. I can tell just by the way my shirts are fitting differently now that my belly has gotten bigger and rounder.
It's odd because even though I've the heaviest I've ever been, in some ways I feel less fat right now because I'm jiggling less. I suspect that this is just a blip based on my relative weight and size and that after I've gained more weight, my body mechanics will be sufficiently changed that I'll be aware of how fat I've gotten every time I move.
Is it weird that I'm looking forward to this?
I'm starting up again with the gainer shakes again because I've decided to push to 235 and would like to get there over the next few weeks. Shouldn't be too hard - I'm less than 20 pounds away from that now.
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
14 March 2018
It's been a bit of a struggle getting things done over the past few months. My work and personal life erupted into some serious mayhem...but I won't bore you with the details. This blog is my happy place and gaining is what I do for me.
The effort I put into making myself fat is a journey I'm taking, with intention, and to honour myself.
While I realize the current standard of "beauty" or "handsomeness" is defined by the mainstream as being thin, toned, with minimal body fat, I know that this is not the right way for me to be.
While I realize the current standard of "beauty" or "handsomeness" is defined by the mainstream as being thin, toned, with minimal body fat, I know that this is not the right way for me to be.
Because, now that I am, by anyone's measure, obese, I'm feeling more attractive. I genuinely *like* who I see in the mirror now and every time I stop for a good look, it makes me happy to think about how much better I'm going to look and feel as I continue to gain weight.
Right now I've got some free time and not a whole lot of obligations. I'm currently 213 pounds and I feel like now is the time to start pushing hard for some substantial gains.
As much as I hate to ask this, if anyone was inclined to donate to the cause, I'd REALLY appreciate any help toward the cost of the extra food it's going to take in order to make all of this happen. There is a PayPal link is to the right of the page. Regardless of finances, I am going to keep getting fatter through any means possible. At this point it's just a matter of how quickly/easily I will be able to do it.
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