Well as of today I'm officially back to 190 lbs...
I'd upload a picture or two but my stupid camera's batteries are dead and do you think there's an AA battery to be found anywhere in sight?
Anyway...
It seems that more of the gain this time has settled above my navel - there's definitely more bulk on the upper part of my belly. And I really do think less has gone to my butt this time.
My pants feel looser than they were in early December (last time I was this heavy) but all my shirts feel tighter. So it's not very scientific but there it is...
And I admit I'm getting quite distracted by the feeling of my belly stretching out all my t-shirts. I'll move just the right way and the cloth will bind over the widest part of my belly and I just have to stop for a second to appreciate the new sensation. Makes it hard to concentrate at work sometimes...
It's odd, too, that in one sense the more I gain, the less fat I feel. I think it's because I'm at the point that I've gained back enough that I've reached the limit of my skin's stretchyness. Even a couple of weeks ago I was jiggling like crazy when I walked. Now there's a lot less belly movement and yet when I run my hands down my belly, I can feel how swollen it's become.
Sadly, it being Jan 26 already, I really don't see me being able to reach my goal of 200lbs this month. It was starting to make me crazy that I'm always so close but never actually able to reach it.
I've decided to relax and just let it happen when it will.
And it *is* happening. I've managed to regain a fair amount of weight over the last month by not doing too much in particular (ie. no huge binge gaining days). I've just trained myself to eat more than I strictly need. Also, I think the body has a memory for fatness - once you get to a certain weight, the body is always going to want to get back up to that weight. I think that could be one of the reasons it's so hard for dieters to keep the weight off.
But who knows...I'm certainly no scientist. I'm just saying what I think.
Anyway...I'm off to have some lunch...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
15 January 2009
Argh...I've plateaued at 189...
My belly's right about where it was at before. It's not feeling loose anymore but instead is firm and tight which I guess means it's swollen back out to maximum size.
The trick now is to add to it...
I've been eating a fair bit lately but I'll guess I'll have to ramp it up a bit. I'm tired of being this skinny (though back when I was only 150lbs, what I weigh now would have seemed enormous)
There's a little more money now for extras like fast food. And I did just stock up on some staples like rice. And chocolate. Mmmm...chocolate.
So, not much to report now in terms of any spectacular gains.
I expect progress soon, though. Things have slowed down enough now that I actually had a day off today (the third such day off in the last seven weeks) and I'm actually feeling a little crazed by the lack of stress. I know. Sounds odd. But it's like I've been moving like crazy for almost two months, dealing with all kinds of stuff being thrown at me and now...there's this ringing silence that I just don't know what to do with.
So I guess I'll go eat something...
My belly's right about where it was at before. It's not feeling loose anymore but instead is firm and tight which I guess means it's swollen back out to maximum size.
The trick now is to add to it...
I've been eating a fair bit lately but I'll guess I'll have to ramp it up a bit. I'm tired of being this skinny (though back when I was only 150lbs, what I weigh now would have seemed enormous)
There's a little more money now for extras like fast food. And I did just stock up on some staples like rice. And chocolate. Mmmm...chocolate.
So, not much to report now in terms of any spectacular gains.
I expect progress soon, though. Things have slowed down enough now that I actually had a day off today (the third such day off in the last seven weeks) and I'm actually feeling a little crazed by the lack of stress. I know. Sounds odd. But it's like I've been moving like crazy for almost two months, dealing with all kinds of stuff being thrown at me and now...there's this ringing silence that I just don't know what to do with.
So I guess I'll go eat something...
Friday, January 9, 2009
9 January 2009
Well, I've been eating as much as I can and it's showing.
I think I'm about back to where I was before all hell broke loose in early December. My belly is starting to feel tight again, as are my love handles. I take that as a sign that I'm getting close to my all time high weight.
I'm still a little in the dark about my actual weight. I think I need to get a new scale because the one I currently have is kind of a rip off. I thought I was buying a digital scale. And it is, sort of. The readout is red digital numbers, however, the mechanics of the the scale itself are old school. It sounds exactly the same as my former, non digital scale when I step on it (I can hear the springs or flywheel or whatever device that's in there moving).
But that being said, I'm really starting to round out again. I'm going for a sustained, moderate gain right now. Things have quieted down enough workwise to enable this, however, I just don't quite have the time to really pig out and crash for a few days.
I am feeling motivated right now. When I lost that weight in December it felt like I lost a piece of myself (and I guess, literally, I had). Gaining the weight back feels like coming home, like I'm making myself right again.
But I know I'm not quite there yet. I look at myself in the mirror and, even though I've got a good start at a belly, I feel that I'll look and feel so much better when I'm fatter.
In the last entry I referenced a guy whose picture I'd seen that blew my socks off. I don't think it's ethical to post his picture here (I don't have rights to it) but he's currently the topic of "My Gain" on the Bellybuilders messageboard.
I know this sounds kind of sad to compare, but some of his later shots (Page 4 or 5 of the thread)...that's where I want to be. I'm not sure what weight that will be for me (he says he's 215lbs there but I estimate him to be about 5 '11" based on a reference he made to his weight and BMI).
So to further myself toward that goal, I'm just going to keep eating and eating.
I'll post more pictures once I start making some forward progress (I didn't see much point posting pictures of me losing ground)...
I think I'm about back to where I was before all hell broke loose in early December. My belly is starting to feel tight again, as are my love handles. I take that as a sign that I'm getting close to my all time high weight.
I'm still a little in the dark about my actual weight. I think I need to get a new scale because the one I currently have is kind of a rip off. I thought I was buying a digital scale. And it is, sort of. The readout is red digital numbers, however, the mechanics of the the scale itself are old school. It sounds exactly the same as my former, non digital scale when I step on it (I can hear the springs or flywheel or whatever device that's in there moving).
But that being said, I'm really starting to round out again. I'm going for a sustained, moderate gain right now. Things have quieted down enough workwise to enable this, however, I just don't quite have the time to really pig out and crash for a few days.
I am feeling motivated right now. When I lost that weight in December it felt like I lost a piece of myself (and I guess, literally, I had). Gaining the weight back feels like coming home, like I'm making myself right again.
But I know I'm not quite there yet. I look at myself in the mirror and, even though I've got a good start at a belly, I feel that I'll look and feel so much better when I'm fatter.
In the last entry I referenced a guy whose picture I'd seen that blew my socks off. I don't think it's ethical to post his picture here (I don't have rights to it) but he's currently the topic of "My Gain" on the Bellybuilders messageboard.
I know this sounds kind of sad to compare, but some of his later shots (Page 4 or 5 of the thread)...that's where I want to be. I'm not sure what weight that will be for me (he says he's 215lbs there but I estimate him to be about 5 '11" based on a reference he made to his weight and BMI).
So to further myself toward that goal, I'm just going to keep eating and eating.
I'll post more pictures once I start making some forward progress (I didn't see much point posting pictures of me losing ground)...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
4 January 2009
Well it's back into a relatively regular routine of working only one job.
A recent cold snap put the brakes on any kind of outings other than work. I'm not even sure if the car will start - it's currently that car shaped mound of snow out front of my house. At some point I will actually have to go somewhere the buses don't and I'll have to go out there and shovel the car back into the daylight.
Better news is that I've managed to regain at least two of those lost pounds. Possibly three (did I mention I have a crappy scale?).
For what it's worth, I *feel* like I'm filling out again. Hopefully soon I'll be back in a growth situation instead of simply "re-growth".
Tonight I saw some pictures of a guy online, also a gainer, who has reached 215 lbs. He looks a lot like me (well, his torso anyway, because that's all you can see) but fatter. I can totally see that guy's belly on my body. In fact, the mere thought of having a belly so full and round is motivating me, even though I have just had dinner, to go have a bite to eat just so I can be that much closer to making this a reality.
A recent cold snap put the brakes on any kind of outings other than work. I'm not even sure if the car will start - it's currently that car shaped mound of snow out front of my house. At some point I will actually have to go somewhere the buses don't and I'll have to go out there and shovel the car back into the daylight.
Better news is that I've managed to regain at least two of those lost pounds. Possibly three (did I mention I have a crappy scale?).
For what it's worth, I *feel* like I'm filling out again. Hopefully soon I'll be back in a growth situation instead of simply "re-growth".
Tonight I saw some pictures of a guy online, also a gainer, who has reached 215 lbs. He looks a lot like me (well, his torso anyway, because that's all you can see) but fatter. I can totally see that guy's belly on my body. In fact, the mere thought of having a belly so full and round is motivating me, even though I have just had dinner, to go have a bite to eat just so I can be that much closer to making this a reality.
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