26 January 2009

Well as of today I'm officially back to 190 lbs...

I'd upload a picture or two but my stupid camera's batteries are dead and do you think there's an AA battery to be found anywhere in sight?

Anyway...

It seems that more of the gain this time has settled above my navel - there's definitely more bulk on the upper part of my belly. And I really do think less has gone to my butt this time.

My pants feel looser than they were in early December (last time I was this heavy) but all my shirts feel tighter. So it's not very scientific but there it is...

And I admit I'm getting quite distracted by the feeling of my belly stretching out all my t-shirts. I'll move just the right way and the cloth will bind over the widest part of my belly and I just have to stop for a second to appreciate the new sensation. Makes it hard to concentrate at work sometimes...

It's odd, too, that in one sense the more I gain, the less fat I feel. I think it's because I'm at the point that I've gained back enough that I've reached the limit of my skin's stretchyness. Even a couple of weeks ago I was jiggling like crazy when I walked. Now there's a lot less belly movement and yet when I run my hands down my belly, I can feel how swollen it's become.

Sadly, it being Jan 26 already, I really don't see me being able to reach my goal of 200lbs this month. It was starting to make me crazy that I'm always so close but never actually able to reach it.

I've decided to relax and just let it happen when it will.

And it *is* happening. I've managed to regain a fair amount of weight over the last month by not doing too much in particular (ie. no huge binge gaining days). I've just trained myself to eat more than I strictly need. Also, I think the body has a memory for fatness - once you get to a certain weight, the body is always going to want to get back up to that weight. I think that could be one of the reasons it's so hard for dieters to keep the weight off.

But who knows...I'm certainly no scientist. I'm just saying what I think.

Anyway...I'm off to have some lunch...