1 October 2013

All righty...

A series of traumatic/unfortunate events coupled with a very long car trip...alone...gave me abundant time to think about how short life really is and how I need to stop diddling around and actually DO something about things I want to in this life...

...has given me the courage to have "the talk" with my other half.

It went about how I expected.  When I got home after being away for a couple of weeks, he put his hand on my stomach and mentioned how I gained a few while I was gone and how I need to go on a diet (eating while driving long distances is really easy to do and I made sure to have lots of stuff to eat on hand and have put on about three pounds since I left) and this was just tailor made opening for the conversation I've been desperately wanting to have for...like...years.

He always said he showed his love by cooking for me.  I told him to please, show me as much love as he could.  There was some initial confusion on his part as I explained that I have always wanted to be bigger and that I wanted him to make as much food as he wanted for me and that I'd eat whatever he made.  He said he couldn't understand why someone would want to intentionally get fatter and expressed concerns about possible health problems.  I said I was only looking, at this point, to gain about 40 pounds (I don't want to totally freak him out and I may get to 235 and figure that's enough anyway.  If not...well, I plan to cross that bridge when I come to it).

I asked him for his support and, although he really doesn't "get" why I'm doing this, and he's agreed to...I'm not sure exactly.  I'm not sure how active he's going to be in helping me gain.  I *hope* we can get into a good dynamic with this with some positive reinforcement on my part. Time will tell just how active he'll be in the process, I guess.

At this point, I'm just overwhelmingly relieved that he's okay with me doing this.  I was afraid of...I dunno...a complete meltdown or something.  It's not that I need his permission but at the same time this is part of what being in a relationship is: communication.  Also, I'm tired of having to be so much on the "down low" with how much I'm eating.  It'll make it easier to gain if I can be out in the open with it.

So...baby steps from here.  I'm just happy I finally worked up the courage to have this conversation with him.  And I really feel like now I've removed the last real impediment to getting bigger.

Also, I've redone the poll and tweaked it a little bit.  The old one expired and then started to do some weird statistical things when I tried to extend it.  I'm always curious to know what other people are thinking about this...