Happy Halloween everyone! This is one of the most awesome times of year...well, actually, the few days after Halloween are the best because that's when stores are blowing out for cheap all the candy that didn't sell. Bags and bags of tiny M&Ms sit nicely in the passenger seat of my car and those tiny calories do add up...!
So looking back at the last month or so, I'm super impressed by the fact that I was able to gain 10 pounds in 30 days. It took work and planning but I've proven now that it IS possible. Everything's SO much easier now that I'm 'out' about gaining. And now that I've got the diet figured out...it's becoming routine to eat large amounts of high calorie food.
I've been taking a short gaining hiatus the last few days just to let my brain catch up to where my body's at. I realize then 10 pounds isn't *that* much weight...but for me, at least, to have done this in a single month...it's taking more getting used to than I thought it would.
That being said, I'm planning to repeat this gaining feat for November. By December 1, I fully expect to clock in at 220 + pounds.
So far I have no regrets. I really love the changes that I'm seeing, the fact that my belly's just blowing up into such perfect roundness, and the all over feeling of just being more massive.
I'm really excited to know that I'm finally firmly on the path to realizing this lifelong dream.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Rolling right along...
As of today I'm a hefty 211 pounds!
For awhile there I was gaining a pound every three days. I've slowed down a bit just because eating that much food, gaining that fast, it's really hard to do on a sustained basis.
I must be doing something right though...the weight is still creeping on quickly enough that I'm *very* happy with my progress so far. After so many weeks of forcing myself to eat 4000 + calories per day it's become habitual to eat this way now. Which is a good thing - it's taking more and more calories to maintain my size as I'm getting bigger. In order to *stay* big, I've got to *eat* big.
My belly is starting to stick wayyy out now and I find myself running into things with it, mostly at work where there's narrow passageways and lots of mazelike areas to navigate. It's distracting as hell every time it happens and I have a feeling it's just going to get to be more of an ongoing concern as my stomach expands into the huge and heavy belly I'm working so hard to acquire. I suppose eventually I'm going to get used to having that much body mass...but for right now it's strange having to relearn how to move through various spaces without crashing into things. Which is funny because I haven't even gained that much weight. Yet.
For awhile there I was gaining a pound every three days. I've slowed down a bit just because eating that much food, gaining that fast, it's really hard to do on a sustained basis.
I must be doing something right though...the weight is still creeping on quickly enough that I'm *very* happy with my progress so far. After so many weeks of forcing myself to eat 4000 + calories per day it's become habitual to eat this way now. Which is a good thing - it's taking more and more calories to maintain my size as I'm getting bigger. In order to *stay* big, I've got to *eat* big.
My belly is starting to stick wayyy out now and I find myself running into things with it, mostly at work where there's narrow passageways and lots of mazelike areas to navigate. It's distracting as hell every time it happens and I have a feeling it's just going to get to be more of an ongoing concern as my stomach expands into the huge and heavy belly I'm working so hard to acquire. I suppose eventually I'm going to get used to having that much body mass...but for right now it's strange having to relearn how to move through various spaces without crashing into things. Which is funny because I haven't even gained that much weight. Yet.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
On a roll now...
I am, with great happiness, able to say that the effort I've been putting in the last few weeks is paying off!
As of today I'm at 208 pounds. Looking back it's clear that on average I've been gaining one pound every three days. Though I've been careful not to binge, I've been documenting everything on the spreadsheet and ensuring that I exceed 4000 calories a day by as much as possible. It was hard for the first week or so (I just felt super full and bloated all the time), but after nearly three weeks of this new "diet" I find now that it's getting a LOT easier to eat amounts of food in one sitting that in the past I just couldn't have handled. Drinking a lot of water with each meal is definitely helping...not only does the water help with digestion but I'm pretty sure that even in this short amount of time I've managed to greatly increase my stomach's capacity by topping up with as much water as possible in order to stretch it after every meal.
Taking daily walks helps keep things moving, as does scrupulously avoiding all possible gluten contamination and other digestive irritants such as large amounts of xanthan gum and carrageenan.
And yes, my body is continuing to fill out in wonderful ways: my shoulders and arms are thicker around than they've ever been, my 'moobs' would now fill a B cup, my love handles spread way out now when I lie down, and of course, my belly is firmer, rounder and larger than it's ever been.
I feel a deep sense of satisfaction about the fact that I'm (finally!) starting to get really fat. Choosing to eat like this, to work towards getting as fat as I can, has been the right thing for me...but at the same time, deep in the back of my mind, I know I've still got a LONG way to go before the wonder and excitement of "getting fatter" becomes the simple satisfaction of being "fat enough".
As of today I'm at 208 pounds. Looking back it's clear that on average I've been gaining one pound every three days. Though I've been careful not to binge, I've been documenting everything on the spreadsheet and ensuring that I exceed 4000 calories a day by as much as possible. It was hard for the first week or so (I just felt super full and bloated all the time), but after nearly three weeks of this new "diet" I find now that it's getting a LOT easier to eat amounts of food in one sitting that in the past I just couldn't have handled. Drinking a lot of water with each meal is definitely helping...not only does the water help with digestion but I'm pretty sure that even in this short amount of time I've managed to greatly increase my stomach's capacity by topping up with as much water as possible in order to stretch it after every meal.
Taking daily walks helps keep things moving, as does scrupulously avoiding all possible gluten contamination and other digestive irritants such as large amounts of xanthan gum and carrageenan.
And yes, my body is continuing to fill out in wonderful ways: my shoulders and arms are thicker around than they've ever been, my 'moobs' would now fill a B cup, my love handles spread way out now when I lie down, and of course, my belly is firmer, rounder and larger than it's ever been.
I feel a deep sense of satisfaction about the fact that I'm (finally!) starting to get really fat. Choosing to eat like this, to work towards getting as fat as I can, has been the right thing for me...but at the same time, deep in the back of my mind, I know I've still got a LONG way to go before the wonder and excitement of "getting fatter" becomes the simple satisfaction of being "fat enough".
Friday, October 10, 2014
Belly's really starting to "show" now...
The motivation I've been feeling to gain is really paying off. I've been averaging somewhere between 3700 and 4300 calories a day. While I know this doesn't sound like a lot to gainers who are a lot bigger than I am right now, for me the extra 750 - 1000 calories a day are really adding up and making a difference. I know full well that as continue to get bigger, I'm going to have to eat more than this just to maintain my size. But for right now, I'm overjoyed with how things are coming along.
At 207 pounds I'm officially heavier than I've ever been in my life. This makes me happy in so many ways.
I'm kind of astounded at how big my belly is already. I actually find myself distracted by it, I guess because it's still so new to me. Looking in the mirror, I can see how much bigger I am. At the same time, I know I've got a LOT further to go. Seeing the growth and actually feeling it as a permanent part of me are wild. In the past I've padded to make myself look this big but at the end of the day have always had to take it off and 'shrink' back down to reality. While I have no regrets whatsoever so far about the fact that I'm continuing to get fatter, it IS weird to be walking around, working, shopping, etc. with this bigger belly all the time. I admit I'm a little self conscious but at the same time it feels so right that I'm getting bigger. I really look forward to the time (at this rate, sooner rather than later) when I've finished with the gaining part and just consider it normal that I have the large round body I've always dreamed about.
On a related note: the documentary was released on Monday.
Here's the link to it: http://www.vocativ.com/video/culture/society/gainers/.
My only regret is that the piece couldn't have been longer - there were hours and hours of footage that never got used. That being said, overall I believe they got the message right and didn't turn it into a freak show puff piece. My thanks to interviewer Edward Christiansen and Michael the Video Guy for taking the time to fly out here from New York City to do the filming, as well for trusting me not to stand you up once you got here.
As far as I know, they *still* don't know my last name or where I live. That's faith, people.
At 207 pounds I'm officially heavier than I've ever been in my life. This makes me happy in so many ways.
I'm kind of astounded at how big my belly is already. I actually find myself distracted by it, I guess because it's still so new to me. Looking in the mirror, I can see how much bigger I am. At the same time, I know I've got a LOT further to go. Seeing the growth and actually feeling it as a permanent part of me are wild. In the past I've padded to make myself look this big but at the end of the day have always had to take it off and 'shrink' back down to reality. While I have no regrets whatsoever so far about the fact that I'm continuing to get fatter, it IS weird to be walking around, working, shopping, etc. with this bigger belly all the time. I admit I'm a little self conscious but at the same time it feels so right that I'm getting bigger. I really look forward to the time (at this rate, sooner rather than later) when I've finished with the gaining part and just consider it normal that I have the large round body I've always dreamed about.
On a related note: the documentary was released on Monday.
Here's the link to it: http://www.vocativ.com/video/culture/society/gainers/.
My only regret is that the piece couldn't have been longer - there were hours and hours of footage that never got used. That being said, overall I believe they got the message right and didn't turn it into a freak show puff piece. My thanks to interviewer Edward Christiansen and Michael the Video Guy for taking the time to fly out here from New York City to do the filming, as well for trusting me not to stand you up once you got here.
As far as I know, they *still* don't know my last name or where I live. That's faith, people.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Building infrastructure...
So today I met with an encourager I connected with on Grommr. Seems I've been taking a lot of strange risks lately...and yet, so far, they've all paid off. Anyway, in the interest of not outing anyone, let's call him "Bob". So Bob and I had a nice lunch in which I discovered I actually *can't* eat two personal sized pizzas in a single sitting as much as I try to throw good intentions at them. I'm good for exactly one and a half at this point. One of the goals that came out of this meeting is to eventually be able to eat two of those things as part of a single meal. One suggestion Bob had was to condition my stomach to increase its capacity by drinking a large amount of water all at once a couple of hours before mealtime. This is definitely something I'm going to try...but not right before work or bedtime because all that water's eventually got to go somewhere.
I found it profoundly interesting to converse with someone who wants me to get fat as much as *I* do. What's interesting is that Bob himself is a big guy, not a gainer, and actually trying to lose weight. It was awkward at times because I didn't want to offend him by being so incredibly pro-gaining to a guy who's pro-losing. I admit I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this. But...Bob's on board to helping me get fat and I'm sure not going to question it. Keeping myself on a forced diet of excess calories day in and day out can at times be a total drag that I suspect is on par with the dilemma of someone who must count every calorie to lose weight. Frankly, the more help I can get, the better.
It's just too bad there wasn't way to magically transfer all of Bob's excess weight onto my own (still relatively slender) frame because I think it would be indescribably awesome to wake up tomorrow and find I was suddenly, massively 300 + pounds. Oh well, this is the stuff of gainer fiction. In reality, like all worthwhile things, this one's going to take patience and effort. There is also something to be said for enjoying the trip.
Another interesting thing...lately I've been 'outing' myself about gaining to various people in my life. I want to prepare them for the new and improved me to avoid awkward conversations down the road that may otherwise happen at inconvenient times. And I want to avoid the whole "Wow, you're getting fat, time for a diet/go get your thyroid checked" routine.
Also, I have the idea that the if people around me have a clear understanding that I'm getting fat on purpose, that they will expect to see me gain a lot of weight and in a way this actually provides added pressure/responsibility (at least in my mind) for me to actually DO this. And I guess part of it, too, is gauging reactions to this bit of information about myself. I'm not entirely sure what I expected but so far the overall impression is mild confusion mixed with "it's your body, do what you want as long as you're not hurting anyone and you stay relatively healthy". Nobody's really cheering me on but at the same time nobody's freaking out about it either. Which is a-okay with me. Of course, once I actually start fulfilling my intentions in a big way (no pun intended), this conversation may change...and I'm going to have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Until then, I'm doing my best to adhere to a 4000 calorie a day diet. The last ten days or so, since I've made my resolution to truly move forward and keep gaining no matter what, I've been eating as much as I can but it's pretty random. Though I'm definitely feeling the weight creeping on, it's just not happening as quickly and consistently as I'd like.
In light of this, Bob and I agreed that I'd provide him with a daily copy of my spreadsheet to keep better track of how successfully I'm keeping to the plan. I sincerely do hope that after struggling through this long enough and consistently being able to get those 4000 calories a day into me, that eventually eating this amount of food will become second nature to me...which it will have to be if I want to stay as big, round, and happy as I'm working so hard getting to be.
On that note, I'm off for a big bowl of buttered rice.
I found it profoundly interesting to converse with someone who wants me to get fat as much as *I* do. What's interesting is that Bob himself is a big guy, not a gainer, and actually trying to lose weight. It was awkward at times because I didn't want to offend him by being so incredibly pro-gaining to a guy who's pro-losing. I admit I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this. But...Bob's on board to helping me get fat and I'm sure not going to question it. Keeping myself on a forced diet of excess calories day in and day out can at times be a total drag that I suspect is on par with the dilemma of someone who must count every calorie to lose weight. Frankly, the more help I can get, the better.
It's just too bad there wasn't way to magically transfer all of Bob's excess weight onto my own (still relatively slender) frame because I think it would be indescribably awesome to wake up tomorrow and find I was suddenly, massively 300 + pounds. Oh well, this is the stuff of gainer fiction. In reality, like all worthwhile things, this one's going to take patience and effort. There is also something to be said for enjoying the trip.
Another interesting thing...lately I've been 'outing' myself about gaining to various people in my life. I want to prepare them for the new and improved me to avoid awkward conversations down the road that may otherwise happen at inconvenient times. And I want to avoid the whole "Wow, you're getting fat, time for a diet/go get your thyroid checked" routine.
Also, I have the idea that the if people around me have a clear understanding that I'm getting fat on purpose, that they will expect to see me gain a lot of weight and in a way this actually provides added pressure/responsibility (at least in my mind) for me to actually DO this. And I guess part of it, too, is gauging reactions to this bit of information about myself. I'm not entirely sure what I expected but so far the overall impression is mild confusion mixed with "it's your body, do what you want as long as you're not hurting anyone and you stay relatively healthy". Nobody's really cheering me on but at the same time nobody's freaking out about it either. Which is a-okay with me. Of course, once I actually start fulfilling my intentions in a big way (no pun intended), this conversation may change...and I'm going to have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Until then, I'm doing my best to adhere to a 4000 calorie a day diet. The last ten days or so, since I've made my resolution to truly move forward and keep gaining no matter what, I've been eating as much as I can but it's pretty random. Though I'm definitely feeling the weight creeping on, it's just not happening as quickly and consistently as I'd like.
In light of this, Bob and I agreed that I'd provide him with a daily copy of my spreadsheet to keep better track of how successfully I'm keeping to the plan. I sincerely do hope that after struggling through this long enough and consistently being able to get those 4000 calories a day into me, that eventually eating this amount of food will become second nature to me...which it will have to be if I want to stay as big, round, and happy as I'm working so hard getting to be.
On that note, I'm off for a big bowl of buttered rice.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
It's all green lights from here...
Well, the past week I've been highly motivated to eat. Partly because I'm finally starting to network within our local gainer/encourager community (amazing how much one can do when one doesn't feel the need to hide the shadows, eh?) and partly because I'm just so damned tired of being this skinny. I suspect the weather has a bit to do with it too: we're sliding back into winter now. Today is grey and cold with grudging tiny flakes of snow. I'm okay with that. I suffer in the summer heat and I'm glad the cooler season is on us now.
It's kind of funny...yesterday I was at a social occasion with someone I see maybe once a month. She remarked that it looked like I was losing weight and that I was looking good (seems she always makes a comment like this just as I'm starting to get fatter again..so...maybe a catty insult in disguise? Who knows?) Anyway, I just patted my belly proudly and proclaimed that in fact I'm heavier than ever and that being fat must really agree with me.
Although I've only move a single digit on the scale, I can already see and feel the extra effort paying off. I've had the "gainer itch" across my belly for a few days now and I can feel everything firming up. And I truly believe this: I really *like* the way my appearance is changing as I gain weight. I love the fact that my belly is getting bigger and the feeling of thick heaviness that a big belly brings.
I'm overjoyed about the fact that I can get as fat as I want to now...without the guilt...and without having to hide what I'm doing anymore.
It's kind of funny...yesterday I was at a social occasion with someone I see maybe once a month. She remarked that it looked like I was losing weight and that I was looking good (seems she always makes a comment like this just as I'm starting to get fatter again..so...maybe a catty insult in disguise? Who knows?) Anyway, I just patted my belly proudly and proclaimed that in fact I'm heavier than ever and that being fat must really agree with me.
Although I've only move a single digit on the scale, I can already see and feel the extra effort paying off. I've had the "gainer itch" across my belly for a few days now and I can feel everything firming up. And I truly believe this: I really *like* the way my appearance is changing as I gain weight. I love the fact that my belly is getting bigger and the feeling of thick heaviness that a big belly brings.
I'm overjoyed about the fact that I can get as fat as I want to now...without the guilt...and without having to hide what I'm doing anymore.
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