Well, the past week I've been highly motivated to eat. Partly because I'm finally starting to network within our local gainer/encourager community (amazing how much one can do when one doesn't feel the need to hide the shadows, eh?) and partly because I'm just so damned tired of being this skinny. I suspect the weather has a bit to do with it too: we're sliding back into winter now. Today is grey and cold with grudging tiny flakes of snow. I'm okay with that. I suffer in the summer heat and I'm glad the cooler season is on us now.
It's kind of funny...yesterday I was at a social occasion with someone I see maybe once a month. She remarked that it looked like I was losing weight and that I was looking good (seems she always makes a comment like this just as I'm starting to get fatter again..so...maybe a catty insult in disguise? Who knows?) Anyway, I just patted my belly proudly and proclaimed that in fact I'm heavier than ever and that being fat must really agree with me.
Although I've only move a single digit on the scale, I can already see and feel the extra effort paying off. I've had the "gainer itch" across my belly for a few days now and I can feel everything firming up. And I truly believe this: I really *like* the way my appearance is changing as I gain weight. I love the fact that my belly is getting bigger and the feeling of thick heaviness that a big belly brings.
I'm overjoyed about the fact that I can get as fat as I want to now...without the guilt...and without having to hide what I'm doing anymore.
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