199 for the last few days. As soon as I stop with the crazy amounts of food the gain stops dead as well. That being said I'm delighted with result of the last few weeks of gaining. I'm getting softer all over and the extra weight is definitely showing in places like my belly and chest.
I'm quickly approaching my highest all-time weight (202).
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
10 October 2013
...wonders about the logic of the person who clicked "don't gain any more" on the poll. You *do* realize this is a *gainer* blog, right? I mean, I'm not ripping on you or anything. I confess I just don't understand you.
Anyway, slow but steady here. I managed to tip the scales at 196 yesterday but have not managed to repeat the feat (I think it was the large meal I'd just had). Realistically, I'm about 194 right now. Not that it's all about the numbers. I can definitely see and feel the pounds coming on. Have laid in a good supply of snacks and easy to reach calories and plan to keep on doing what's been working so far...
Anyway, slow but steady here. I managed to tip the scales at 196 yesterday but have not managed to repeat the feat (I think it was the large meal I'd just had). Realistically, I'm about 194 right now. Not that it's all about the numbers. I can definitely see and feel the pounds coming on. Have laid in a good supply of snacks and easy to reach calories and plan to keep on doing what's been working so far...
Monday, October 7, 2013
7 October 2013
Well, I know it's only been a few days...far too soon for any massive changes. That being said, the extra portions ARE paying off. Although the gain is still, so far, not much to speak of, I am excited by the fact that my work clothes are getting tighter and that I can definitely start to see and feel the extra mass starting to build up again..
Being free and clear with the gaining, from an emotional/relationship standpoint is *really* helping with keeping the momentum going.
Oddly enough, the biggest impediment this week is the fact that my most conveniently located grocery store (and one that carries the yummiest gluten free baked goods) is currently experiencing a strike among its workers. I'm not one to cross a picket line, having walked enough of them myself.
So, hopefully they're able to resolve their differences with management (and hopefully before I run out of chocolate muffins!)
Being free and clear with the gaining, from an emotional/relationship standpoint is *really* helping with keeping the momentum going.
Oddly enough, the biggest impediment this week is the fact that my most conveniently located grocery store (and one that carries the yummiest gluten free baked goods) is currently experiencing a strike among its workers. I'm not one to cross a picket line, having walked enough of them myself.
So, hopefully they're able to resolve their differences with management (and hopefully before I run out of chocolate muffins!)
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
2 October 2013
Well, it's Day 2 of my fresh start. What a difference it makes not to have to hide anymore or feel guilty about hiding what I'm doing!
I've been going pretty much non-stop now...always staying full but *not* overeating to the point of making myself sick.
I hope to gradually train my body to expect around 4500 calories a day...but I'm not planning to force the issue. I'm just going keep trying to eat a little bit more each meal, try to add a few more snacks in between, and make sure to have a fairly large snack...800 calories or so...just before bedtime. The goal is for a 2-3 pound a week gain...but at this point, I'd be happy even with a pound a week if it means I'm getting bigger.
I know it's still early on in my (most recent...but this time ultimately successful!) gain but, after eating I swear I can feel that itch starting up under the skin of my belly...the one that says I'm already starting to gain weight...
I still plan to document the process, taking photos at five pound intervals if only just to say "hey, remember when I was only *that* big"!
I've been going pretty much non-stop now...always staying full but *not* overeating to the point of making myself sick.
I hope to gradually train my body to expect around 4500 calories a day...but I'm not planning to force the issue. I'm just going keep trying to eat a little bit more each meal, try to add a few more snacks in between, and make sure to have a fairly large snack...800 calories or so...just before bedtime. The goal is for a 2-3 pound a week gain...but at this point, I'd be happy even with a pound a week if it means I'm getting bigger.
I know it's still early on in my (most recent...but this time ultimately successful!) gain but, after eating I swear I can feel that itch starting up under the skin of my belly...the one that says I'm already starting to gain weight...
I still plan to document the process, taking photos at five pound intervals if only just to say "hey, remember when I was only *that* big"!
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
1 October 2013
All righty...
A series of traumatic/unfortunate events coupled with a very long car trip...alone...gave me abundant time to think about how short life really is and how I need to stop diddling around and actually DO something about things I want to in this life...
...has given me the courage to have "the talk" with my other half.
It went about how I expected. When I got home after being away for a couple of weeks, he put his hand on my stomach and mentioned how I gained a few while I was gone and how I need to go on a diet (eating while driving long distances is really easy to do and I made sure to have lots of stuff to eat on hand and have put on about three pounds since I left) and this was just tailor made opening for the conversation I've been desperately wanting to have for...like...years.
He always said he showed his love by cooking for me. I told him to please, show me as much love as he could. There was some initial confusion on his part as I explained that I have always wanted to be bigger and that I wanted him to make as much food as he wanted for me and that I'd eat whatever he made. He said he couldn't understand why someone would want to intentionally get fatter and expressed concerns about possible health problems. I said I was only looking, at this point, to gain about 40 pounds (I don't want to totally freak him out and I may get to 235 and figure that's enough anyway. If not...well, I plan to cross that bridge when I come to it).
I asked him for his support and, although he really doesn't "get" why I'm doing this, and he's agreed to...I'm not sure exactly. I'm not sure how active he's going to be in helping me gain. I *hope* we can get into a good dynamic with this with some positive reinforcement on my part. Time will tell just how active he'll be in the process, I guess.
At this point, I'm just overwhelmingly relieved that he's okay with me doing this. I was afraid of...I dunno...a complete meltdown or something. It's not that I need his permission but at the same time this is part of what being in a relationship is: communication. Also, I'm tired of having to be so much on the "down low" with how much I'm eating. It'll make it easier to gain if I can be out in the open with it.
So...baby steps from here. I'm just happy I finally worked up the courage to have this conversation with him. And I really feel like now I've removed the last real impediment to getting bigger.
Also, I've redone the poll and tweaked it a little bit. The old one expired and then started to do some weird statistical things when I tried to extend it. I'm always curious to know what other people are thinking about this...
A series of traumatic/unfortunate events coupled with a very long car trip...alone...gave me abundant time to think about how short life really is and how I need to stop diddling around and actually DO something about things I want to in this life...
...has given me the courage to have "the talk" with my other half.
It went about how I expected. When I got home after being away for a couple of weeks, he put his hand on my stomach and mentioned how I gained a few while I was gone and how I need to go on a diet (eating while driving long distances is really easy to do and I made sure to have lots of stuff to eat on hand and have put on about three pounds since I left) and this was just tailor made opening for the conversation I've been desperately wanting to have for...like...years.
He always said he showed his love by cooking for me. I told him to please, show me as much love as he could. There was some initial confusion on his part as I explained that I have always wanted to be bigger and that I wanted him to make as much food as he wanted for me and that I'd eat whatever he made. He said he couldn't understand why someone would want to intentionally get fatter and expressed concerns about possible health problems. I said I was only looking, at this point, to gain about 40 pounds (I don't want to totally freak him out and I may get to 235 and figure that's enough anyway. If not...well, I plan to cross that bridge when I come to it).
I asked him for his support and, although he really doesn't "get" why I'm doing this, and he's agreed to...I'm not sure exactly. I'm not sure how active he's going to be in helping me gain. I *hope* we can get into a good dynamic with this with some positive reinforcement on my part. Time will tell just how active he'll be in the process, I guess.
At this point, I'm just overwhelmingly relieved that he's okay with me doing this. I was afraid of...I dunno...a complete meltdown or something. It's not that I need his permission but at the same time this is part of what being in a relationship is: communication. Also, I'm tired of having to be so much on the "down low" with how much I'm eating. It'll make it easier to gain if I can be out in the open with it.
So...baby steps from here. I'm just happy I finally worked up the courage to have this conversation with him. And I really feel like now I've removed the last real impediment to getting bigger.
Also, I've redone the poll and tweaked it a little bit. The old one expired and then started to do some weird statistical things when I tried to extend it. I'm always curious to know what other people are thinking about this...
Sunday, July 7, 2013
8 July 2013
July already. I can't believe how quickly this summer is going.
I haven't been up to much lately. All my plans for huge gains, small gains, and slow steady gains haven't yielded fruit. Currently I'm just shy of 200 pounds...again...standing at the threshold of "fat" and although my heart and body really want this, have wanted it pretty much all my life, my mind steps in and says "what about, what about, what about". Things like "what about getting around?"; "what about reduced mobility?"; "what about health problems?"; "what about what people will say/think?"; "what about if you get really big and hate it and can't lose the weight?". Actually the last one probably would never be a problem for me because as soon as I stop overeating, the pounds seem to just slip off. I know. It's a damned stupid thing to be complaining about.
To be truly honest, I think one of my biggest hurdles is the fact that I'm in a relationship, married actually, to a 300+ pound man. He's not a gainer. He doesn't know that I'm a gainer. He's not really happy being big...but he doesn't really seem all that unhappy either. I'm not really sure what he would think if he knew I was intentionally gaining weight. I'm pretty sure his main concern would be for my health.
And I've had discussions about this on other messageboards and got what I think is good, but not perfect, advice, that is: just keep gaining until it's obvious that I'm going to keep getting fatter and *then* have that conversation. Which seems to me just a little bit like saying it's easier to ask forgiveness after the fact than it is to ask permission up front. Which is I guess a poor choice of words because I don't really feel like I actually need anyone's permission. It is my own body after all. But...that being said, he does have to look at me and has to live with the health consequences of my choices. And I don't want him to worry about me.
I guess the reason I've never really brought it up with him is because I'm terrified that either a) he'll think I'm a freak or b) will himself freak out over this, thus making it really awkward to continue on a gainer path because every time I gain a few pounds he's going to think that it's intentional (whether it is or not) or c) that he'll outwardly agree to it, out of respect for my wishes, but secretly be unhappy about what I'm doing.
I know that there's a d) option, which is: he'd be confused about it at first but get used to the idea and be somewhat supportive...or even an e) option: that he'd think it was a great idea and actively encourage me.
I dunno. Of that spectrum, I suspect things would fall somewhere in the middle. And I know I owe it to him to at least be upfront about what I'm doing. He's not a stupid man (though he can be amazingly obtuse at times); he probably has a vague idea of what's going on. I just think this is a major thing holding me back and if I want to move forward, I'm going to have to address it. Even if I don't have his blessing (though how awesome would that be?), I feel like he should at least have the knowledge.
That's where it's at. It's a little bit hellish. And it's a hell of my own making.
I'll keep you posted as to whether or not I ever summon up the courage to have this (necessary) conversation. .
I haven't been up to much lately. All my plans for huge gains, small gains, and slow steady gains haven't yielded fruit. Currently I'm just shy of 200 pounds...again...standing at the threshold of "fat" and although my heart and body really want this, have wanted it pretty much all my life, my mind steps in and says "what about, what about, what about". Things like "what about getting around?"; "what about reduced mobility?"; "what about health problems?"; "what about what people will say/think?"; "what about if you get really big and hate it and can't lose the weight?". Actually the last one probably would never be a problem for me because as soon as I stop overeating, the pounds seem to just slip off. I know. It's a damned stupid thing to be complaining about.
To be truly honest, I think one of my biggest hurdles is the fact that I'm in a relationship, married actually, to a 300+ pound man. He's not a gainer. He doesn't know that I'm a gainer. He's not really happy being big...but he doesn't really seem all that unhappy either. I'm not really sure what he would think if he knew I was intentionally gaining weight. I'm pretty sure his main concern would be for my health.
And I've had discussions about this on other messageboards and got what I think is good, but not perfect, advice, that is: just keep gaining until it's obvious that I'm going to keep getting fatter and *then* have that conversation. Which seems to me just a little bit like saying it's easier to ask forgiveness after the fact than it is to ask permission up front. Which is I guess a poor choice of words because I don't really feel like I actually need anyone's permission. It is my own body after all. But...that being said, he does have to look at me and has to live with the health consequences of my choices. And I don't want him to worry about me.
I guess the reason I've never really brought it up with him is because I'm terrified that either a) he'll think I'm a freak or b) will himself freak out over this, thus making it really awkward to continue on a gainer path because every time I gain a few pounds he's going to think that it's intentional (whether it is or not) or c) that he'll outwardly agree to it, out of respect for my wishes, but secretly be unhappy about what I'm doing.
I know that there's a d) option, which is: he'd be confused about it at first but get used to the idea and be somewhat supportive...or even an e) option: that he'd think it was a great idea and actively encourage me.
I dunno. Of that spectrum, I suspect things would fall somewhere in the middle. And I know I owe it to him to at least be upfront about what I'm doing. He's not a stupid man (though he can be amazingly obtuse at times); he probably has a vague idea of what's going on. I just think this is a major thing holding me back and if I want to move forward, I'm going to have to address it. Even if I don't have his blessing (though how awesome would that be?), I feel like he should at least have the knowledge.
That's where it's at. It's a little bit hellish. And it's a hell of my own making.
I'll keep you posted as to whether or not I ever summon up the courage to have this (necessary) conversation. .
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