And just like that...I'm gaining again.
I haven't really been doing anything special. Just eating whenever I can, working out a bit, loafing around when I can.
Part of what's helping is the fact that I'm working my way through Superstore's new lineup of gluten free baked goods. Some of it's awesome (the chocolate chip cookies) and some of it is just kind of, I dunno, weird (lemon poppy seed loaf). All of it, in spite of the fact that they don't list calorie counts on the labels, I can tell eating these things is helping.
I've been doing a bit of research online and learning some pretty bizarre things. Google "obesogen" and see what comes up. It's kind of fascinating and also a little scary. Tributyltin - a fairly commonly used chemical in marine paint - has not only the potential to make you fat...but your children...and your grandchildren too!
Now I've already come to the conclusion that I'm not going to be creating any kids in this lifetime so there's no worries about passing this on to the next generation but I admit I'm a little awed at a single chemical's ability to make someone permanently fat. I'm also frightened by all the other things purposely exposing myself to this stuff might do. Not really a big fan of hopping onto the cancer train.
Some other things catch my interest though: Bisphenol-A and its close cousin Bisphenol A diglycidyl ether. Really easy to find (it's in food can linings, thermal cash register tapes, and epoxy), problematic for people who want to be thin, and possibly a cheater's shortcut for someone like me. It seems almost magical that a daily low-dose exposure to these things actually triggers, on a genetic level, the body to fill up the existing fat cells, and to create new ones. I've just waded through a pile of crap on Google - some of it's simply scare mongering but there's also a number of scholarly works that go into excruciating detail as to why these compounds make you get fat. It's especially interesting that one of the studies notes that the fatter you are when you're exposed to these chemicals, the more profound the impact they have in making you get even fatter.
And then there's the naturally occurring stuff like policosanol (sugar cane extract) and uridine (basically the same thing) that appear to be non-toxic but also cause the body to put on more weight as fat. As far as I can tell I've got a good shot at finding this stuff locally for a decent price. Taking a pill also seems somewhat less embarrassing than rubbing used cash register tapes all over my belly. I'll leave you with that image.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
29 January 2013
Well I don't know how a whole month managed to go by in what seems to be the blink of an eye! There really hasn't been much change - just getting back into the rhythm of life after the holidays. I may quite possibly be the only person in the history of the world who is actually relieved when January rolls around.
No real gains to report but no great losses either. Mostly just settling in, getting used to being the bigger size I've managed to become...so far.
No real gains to report but no great losses either. Mostly just settling in, getting used to being the bigger size I've managed to become...so far.
Monday, December 24, 2012
24 December 2012
Well, the world didn't end on December 21st. Which is a good thing, I guess, because there's still so much more I want to do in this life.
The gaining process, unfortunately, has slowed down substantially over the last week or so simply because I haven't been able to put in the time. It's been a case of work, sleep, repeat. That being said, I'm managing to include an extraorindary number of extra calories wherever I can. I am still managing to gain, albeit slowly because I'm burning so much extra energy right now. I sincerely hope I'll be able to push harder in the new year.
Also, it will be helpful that I'm about to enjoy (and in one case "endure") a series of holiday dinners. Trust me: I'm going to chow down on as much food as I can and then do it all again...
At any rate...best holiday wishes to you and yours...whatever your traditions may be!
The gaining process, unfortunately, has slowed down substantially over the last week or so simply because I haven't been able to put in the time. It's been a case of work, sleep, repeat. That being said, I'm managing to include an extraorindary number of extra calories wherever I can. I am still managing to gain, albeit slowly because I'm burning so much extra energy right now. I sincerely hope I'll be able to push harder in the new year.
Also, it will be helpful that I'm about to enjoy (and in one case "endure") a series of holiday dinners. Trust me: I'm going to chow down on as much food as I can and then do it all again...
At any rate...best holiday wishes to you and yours...whatever your traditions may be!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
15 December 2012
...And one of the benefits of eating so much chocolate is that I'm in a much better mood than I would be, ordinarily. I consider myself lucky that I'm not sensitive to the stuff like some people. I have a coworker who swears that chocolate causes migraines and wonders how I could eat so much of it. I guess it's a little bonus for me, considering how many truly awful things happen when I eat other things that don't appear to cause any harm to "normal" people (ak! gluten!).
I've also noticed that a lot of the lunchtime conversation appears to be, at least lately anyway, revolving around food issues (mostly about how my female coworkers are chagrined about gaining weight). I don't really hang around women a lot outside of work - I'm not sure if this is normal lunch time talk, or if this is some kind of subtle message they're trying to convey to me that they're noticing my own weight gain and this is how they're trying to broach the topic with me. I've just noticed the topic seems to be coming up more often as I'm getting heavier...though I could just be oversensitive to it right now, that maybe this has been a common theme in the conversation all along, and only now am I just noticing. Overall, I'm kind of an insensitive ass and my response when the topic of weight comes up is to simply offer them some of my chocolate.
Anyhoo...the gain is being incredibly slow considering the sheer number of calories I'm eating every day. Even the fat-augmented shakes aren't really having the impact I'd like just because of all the extra work I've been doing the last few weeks. We're into the Numero Uno busiest time of year at work right now and although I love the overtime pay, I'm not too keen on running off my feet while transporting heavy loads of product all over Hell's Half Acre.
I'm starting to think that after this job slows down (there's 50/50 odds in my mind that I could be laid off after Christmas...or at the very least, have my hours slashed to the point that I'm going to have to find a new job) that I'm going to look for something more sedentary.
Honestly, if I had a desk job and kept up with how much I'm currently eating, I'd be a LOT fatter already. Probably not in as good shape though...and that's a balance point I have to be careful of because as soon as I start to feel unhealthy, I freak out and drop some weight. I know it's completely possible to be heavy and healthy. I just have to find the balance between being fat and still feeling all right.
I've also noticed that a lot of the lunchtime conversation appears to be, at least lately anyway, revolving around food issues (mostly about how my female coworkers are chagrined about gaining weight). I don't really hang around women a lot outside of work - I'm not sure if this is normal lunch time talk, or if this is some kind of subtle message they're trying to convey to me that they're noticing my own weight gain and this is how they're trying to broach the topic with me. I've just noticed the topic seems to be coming up more often as I'm getting heavier...though I could just be oversensitive to it right now, that maybe this has been a common theme in the conversation all along, and only now am I just noticing. Overall, I'm kind of an insensitive ass and my response when the topic of weight comes up is to simply offer them some of my chocolate.
Anyhoo...the gain is being incredibly slow considering the sheer number of calories I'm eating every day. Even the fat-augmented shakes aren't really having the impact I'd like just because of all the extra work I've been doing the last few weeks. We're into the Numero Uno busiest time of year at work right now and although I love the overtime pay, I'm not too keen on running off my feet while transporting heavy loads of product all over Hell's Half Acre.
I'm starting to think that after this job slows down (there's 50/50 odds in my mind that I could be laid off after Christmas...or at the very least, have my hours slashed to the point that I'm going to have to find a new job) that I'm going to look for something more sedentary.
Honestly, if I had a desk job and kept up with how much I'm currently eating, I'd be a LOT fatter already. Probably not in as good shape though...and that's a balance point I have to be careful of because as soon as I start to feel unhealthy, I freak out and drop some weight. I know it's completely possible to be heavy and healthy. I just have to find the balance between being fat and still feeling all right.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
11 December 2012
So I drove to a virtually inaccessible part of town to a specialty food shop and acquired a gi-normous bag of Callebaut "callets". Really, they're just fancy chocolate chips...but there's a LOT of them. I buy our pet food in smaller bags than this stuff comes in. I got 10 kilograms (22 lbs). It makes sense because I'm already eating chocolate everyday...it's just the lower quality stuff from the grocery store. In bulk, the good stuff ends up costing the same. And now I have a few month's supply. Or less, I guess, depending on how many I manage to eat. I'm going to keep a bowl of them beside the computer and just munch on them whenever I can. Effortless calories that will translate into faster gaining. Gotta love it.
Just ran the data on them: 230 calories for every 40 grams. For you Americans...40 grams really isn't that much...not even a small handful really. I just tossed back a whole bowl of them in about two minutes - I don't know what the actual weight was but I'm pretty sure it was a lot more than 40 grams worth!
The entire bag, if consumed as the part of the calories that are above and beyond my maintenance level, will result in over 16 pounds of extra body mass.
And speaking of getting fatter...as of today I'm weighing in at 195 pounds again. I haven't been keeping track of the numbers very well this month but as far as I can tell, I've managed to gain about 10 pounds back in the last 4 -6 weeks.
I've definitely rounded out more and I can feel everything, especially in my belly area, stretching and filling out again. I've had to move up a belt notch already and still my gut is "muffin topping" over it.
I'm on a roll and I sincerely hope I'll be able to keep up this rate of expansion for a few months at least. I really want to break that 200 pound barrier again and start moving up (finally!) into the substantially larger numbers.
Just ran the data on them: 230 calories for every 40 grams. For you Americans...40 grams really isn't that much...not even a small handful really. I just tossed back a whole bowl of them in about two minutes - I don't know what the actual weight was but I'm pretty sure it was a lot more than 40 grams worth!
The entire bag, if consumed as the part of the calories that are above and beyond my maintenance level, will result in over 16 pounds of extra body mass.
And speaking of getting fatter...as of today I'm weighing in at 195 pounds again. I haven't been keeping track of the numbers very well this month but as far as I can tell, I've managed to gain about 10 pounds back in the last 4 -6 weeks.
I've definitely rounded out more and I can feel everything, especially in my belly area, stretching and filling out again. I've had to move up a belt notch already and still my gut is "muffin topping" over it.
I'm on a roll and I sincerely hope I'll be able to keep up this rate of expansion for a few months at least. I really want to break that 200 pound barrier again and start moving up (finally!) into the substantially larger numbers.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Also 10 December 2012
All righty people...I've taken the plunge and added a Paypal donation button to this blog (righthand side...scroll down below "Followers" and there it is...).
Some of you might consider me a whore for doing this. I probably am...at least a little bit...but let's be honest here: in a large way I'm already whoring myself out by sharing my inner thoughts and pictures of my growing body with...let's be honest...a large number of strangers as well as the Internet in general (anyone remember that awesome-not Reddit link to my blog back in December 2010?)
I am *already* so much *out there*.
And I'm NOT suggesting that *anyone* needs to actually *use* the button to partake of this blog.
At this point it means A LOT more to me that people are sharing my experience. This blog is helping me to clarify my own thoughts and to record my own journey into a strange realm that not many others choose to venture into. I am simply adding the button in an attempt to remove part of the financial hurdle to my ability to gain.
Also, consider this: money in this context is an extraordinarily powerful tool for encouragement: every cent donated will be used to purchase extra food that I am honour bound to consume.
Consider the ramifications of this...
Some of you might consider me a whore for doing this. I probably am...at least a little bit...but let's be honest here: in a large way I'm already whoring myself out by sharing my inner thoughts and pictures of my growing body with...let's be honest...a large number of strangers as well as the Internet in general (anyone remember that awesome-not Reddit link to my blog back in December 2010?)
I am *already* so much *out there*.
And I'm NOT suggesting that *anyone* needs to actually *use* the button to partake of this blog.
At this point it means A LOT more to me that people are sharing my experience. This blog is helping me to clarify my own thoughts and to record my own journey into a strange realm that not many others choose to venture into. I am simply adding the button in an attempt to remove part of the financial hurdle to my ability to gain.
Also, consider this: money in this context is an extraordinarily powerful tool for encouragement: every cent donated will be used to purchase extra food that I am honour bound to consume.
Consider the ramifications of this...
10 December 2012
Nothing really dramatic to report today. Just eating as much as I can, as often as I can. Am swallowing down at least one of those improvised Ensure/cream shakes every day...sometimes two but definitely one before bedtime. The extra calories and fat are helping: I'm seeing a slow and steady gain - not as fast as I would like but at least it's progress.
Exactly two years ago I was ten pounds heavier than I am now. I'm still trying to figure out why I dropped the weight. If I'd only stayed on a course of even moderate gaining, say a single pound every week, I'd be SO fat by now.
Ah well. I guess these things happen in their own time. And when I finally do manage to get to my proper weight, it's going to be all that much more gratifying for having waited so long to achieve it!
Though I admit that my mood is a bit foul today. At that dinner last Saturday I'm almost certain I was fed something containing gluten...not by my friends at my first meal, but at the official second meal put on by the people running the hall. It was only one bite of a tart crust...but based on how digestively unhappy I'm feeling (as well as feeling a teensy bit depressed for no apparent reason), I'd bet anything it was a regular tart served by accident to me. To be fair, the gluten free ones looked damned near identical to the regular ones! I can totally understand someone grabbing the wrong one in the chaos that always ensues when a volunteer group attempts to feed 200 people at the same time. I'm just uber-grateful that I was so full from the first dinner that I only took a single bite of that "poison" tart...or things would be so much worse for me today.
The effect of gluten on my digestive system is somewhat like throwing a handful of sand into some well oiled gears: the machine keeps working but it's not too happy and runs like crap until the sand works its way out. And that's all I'm going to say about that because I risk taking this blog into some really unsavory and graphic places if I go on into too much detail about what's going on, digestively, for me Suffice to say: if you CAN eat wheat based products with no problem, I envy you! As for me...now it's just a waiting game...and lots of fiber...to help this "sand" work its way out!
Actually, speaking of envy, I confess I'm a little envious of a local gainer I met a few years ago. We were both at about the same place with respect to BMI's (it's the only comparison that even remotely close to accurate because he was five inches taller than me). I just cruised by on Grommr - he's looking fabulous, almost 300 pounds now. And I'm *exactly* the same weight now, as I was when I met him...oh, about three years ago. I don't begrudge him his success. Not one bit! But I really need to get my own butt in gear and keep my commitment to this if I'm ever going to see the same success myself.
Okay, I'll stop whining now. I just needed to put that out there because part of this blog is about sharing what's going on inside my head. Today it's a little dark and rainy in there.
Let's hope for sunny skies tomorrow.
Exactly two years ago I was ten pounds heavier than I am now. I'm still trying to figure out why I dropped the weight. If I'd only stayed on a course of even moderate gaining, say a single pound every week, I'd be SO fat by now.
Ah well. I guess these things happen in their own time. And when I finally do manage to get to my proper weight, it's going to be all that much more gratifying for having waited so long to achieve it!
Though I admit that my mood is a bit foul today. At that dinner last Saturday I'm almost certain I was fed something containing gluten...not by my friends at my first meal, but at the official second meal put on by the people running the hall. It was only one bite of a tart crust...but based on how digestively unhappy I'm feeling (as well as feeling a teensy bit depressed for no apparent reason), I'd bet anything it was a regular tart served by accident to me. To be fair, the gluten free ones looked damned near identical to the regular ones! I can totally understand someone grabbing the wrong one in the chaos that always ensues when a volunteer group attempts to feed 200 people at the same time. I'm just uber-grateful that I was so full from the first dinner that I only took a single bite of that "poison" tart...or things would be so much worse for me today.
The effect of gluten on my digestive system is somewhat like throwing a handful of sand into some well oiled gears: the machine keeps working but it's not too happy and runs like crap until the sand works its way out. And that's all I'm going to say about that because I risk taking this blog into some really unsavory and graphic places if I go on into too much detail about what's going on, digestively, for me Suffice to say: if you CAN eat wheat based products with no problem, I envy you! As for me...now it's just a waiting game...and lots of fiber...to help this "sand" work its way out!
Actually, speaking of envy, I confess I'm a little envious of a local gainer I met a few years ago. We were both at about the same place with respect to BMI's (it's the only comparison that even remotely close to accurate because he was five inches taller than me). I just cruised by on Grommr - he's looking fabulous, almost 300 pounds now. And I'm *exactly* the same weight now, as I was when I met him...oh, about three years ago. I don't begrudge him his success. Not one bit! But I really need to get my own butt in gear and keep my commitment to this if I'm ever going to see the same success myself.
Okay, I'll stop whining now. I just needed to put that out there because part of this blog is about sharing what's going on inside my head. Today it's a little dark and rainy in there.
Let's hope for sunny skies tomorrow.
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