5 November 2011

So I spent the better part of today redesigning a spreadsheet. Sounds pretty boring, doesn't it? This one's pretty cool though...I pulled data off the internet that tells me how much I should eat at my current weight (sadly, still a modestly pudgy 184)...and how many calories I need to eat in order to gain.

I figure a lot of my problem is binge eating, getting sick of food, dropping off and just not keeping up with it. The best success I've had in the past is slow, steady consistent gains that add up impressively over time (I'm still amazed I was able to break 200 lbs last year and I really, really want to get back up there...and then a lot more...in the coming few months).

The final spreadsheet is a somewhat elegant rendering that took a lot of serious mathlike finangling to get right (mostly it was trying to adjust for the fact that as I'm getting fatter and fatter, the more I'm going to need to eat just to maintain my weight...let alone keep growing)

Because Blogspot won't let me attach the file (or even cut and paste!) for you to see, I'll only include the highlights:

Today I needed to eat 2735 calories to maintain the modest belly I've gained back so far.

I set a goal of 3743 calories to consume for each 24 hour period that I remain at 184 lbs. When I top the scale at 185, I'll change the weight in the spreadsheet and it will automatically add the approximately 10 extra calories I'll need to maintain that weight. And then it will add the extra 1015 calories or so that are what (hopefully) will stick around and become body mass.

What I actually ate today was 3848 calories, which means I exceeded my projected goal by 105 calories. This means that today I will have gained about 1/3 of a pound. It doesn't sound like much, in fact, it's downright moderate.

However, like all good goals, my new resolution has a time limit: I'm trying...no, I WILL gain 51 pounds by April 30th, 2012 (to a total body weight of 235 lbs). In fact, if I keep eating the way I did today, I'll actually be that fat by April 13th, 2012. In all, it's right about at the top limit of the rate at which I feel comfortable gaining: about 3 pounds/week.

That being said, by April 30th, if I keep going the way I did today, I'll actually be 240 lbs.

Aren't spreadsheets just so geekily wonderful?

See, and as boring as I find math to be, it's exactly this kind of predictive, measurable result to be so motivating! I like knowing that, even though it's only the very first day, and there's no noticeable results (yet), what I've eaten today is going to count for something very tangible in the long run (a much bigger belly!)

And it's sustainable. I can totally do this every single day. I could eat another meal right now. In fact, seeing as it's after midnight and I'm about to head to bed, I probably should (the calories will count on the spreadsheet in tomorrow's numbers). After a day of eating over my basic caloric needs, whatever calories I take in now are likely going to turn into fat...and taking me inexorably closer to my goal weight...something I find incredibly motivating.

The spreadsheet, now that it's done, is really easy to use. And I now know exactly how much more I need to eat every single day. I think I'm going to work to overshoot, just a little, each day, to see how much more quickly I can get the numbers to add up...both on the spreadsheet AND on the scale. That, my friends, is also really motivating.

And...it's hard to notice 1/3 of a pound gain (other then a sense of tightness in my belly that says I've eaten well today). But in three days, I'll be 1 lb heavier. Still not much of a change. But by December 5th, I'm going to be 10 pounds heavier. By New Year's Eve, I'll weigh 202 lbs, the exact same weight I was when I was heaviest I've ever been.

Which means I'll start the new year on a solid foundation (no pun intended) of gaining...and it's all up and up from there.

And if you think 235 isn't that big, consider this: for someone my height (5'6"), weighing 235 means I'll have a BMI (body mass index...or relative measure of weight vs. height) of 37.9. This doesn't sound like much, does it? But for someone 6'0" to have the same BMI, he'd have to weigh 280 pounds.

So basically what I'm saying is that for me, porking out to 235 pounds means I'm going to be pretty damned huge. I was already getting a very noticable belly at 200 pounds (to where people were really starting to comment on it).

Add another 35 pounds of fat on top of that... I just can't wait to experience what it's going to be like to be so very fat and round and heavy...

And if past experience is any guide, once I get used to the idea of being so plus-sized, I'll probably bump it up to 250 (that'd be just shy of 300 pounds on our theoretical 6 foot tall dude).

Because that's the size and shape of body I honestly think I should have had all along...and after a lifetime of dreaming about it, I've decided now I'm willing to do what it takes to get it.