24 December 2012

Well, the world didn't end on December 21st.  Which is a good thing, I guess, because there's still so much more I want to do in this life.

The gaining process, unfortunately, has slowed down substantially over the last week or so simply because I haven't been able to put in the time.  It's been a case of work, sleep, repeat.  That being said, I'm managing to include an extraorindary number of extra calories wherever I can.   I am still managing to gain, albeit slowly because I'm burning so much extra energy right now.  I sincerely hope I'll be able to push harder in the new year.

Also, it will be helpful that I'm about to enjoy (and in one case "endure") a series of holiday dinners.  Trust me: I'm going to chow down on as much food as I can and then do it all again...

At any rate...best holiday wishes to you and yours...whatever your traditions may be!

15 December 2012

...And one of the benefits of eating so much chocolate is that I'm in a much better mood than I would be, ordinarily.  I consider myself lucky that I'm not sensitive to the stuff like some people.  I have a coworker who swears that chocolate causes migraines and wonders how I could eat so much of it.  I guess it's a little bonus for me, considering how many truly awful things happen when I eat other things that don't appear to cause any harm to "normal" people (ak! gluten!). 

I've also noticed that a lot of the lunchtime conversation appears to be, at least lately anyway, revolving around food issues (mostly about how my female coworkers are chagrined about gaining weight).  I don't really hang around women a lot outside of work - I'm not sure if this is normal lunch time talk, or if this is some kind of subtle message they're trying to convey to me that they're noticing my own weight gain and this is how they're trying to broach the topic with me.  I've just noticed the topic seems to be coming up more often as I'm getting heavier...though I could just be oversensitive to it right now, that maybe this has been a common theme in the conversation all along, and only now am I just noticing.  Overall, I'm kind of an insensitive ass and my response when the topic of weight comes up is to simply offer them some of my chocolate.

Anyhoo...the gain is being incredibly slow considering the sheer number of calories I'm eating every day.  Even the fat-augmented shakes aren't really having the impact I'd like just because of all the extra work I've been doing the last few weeks.  We're into the Numero Uno busiest time of year at work right now and although I love the overtime pay, I'm not too keen on running off my feet while transporting heavy loads of product all over Hell's Half Acre.

I'm starting to think that after this job slows down (there's 50/50 odds in my mind that I could be laid off after Christmas...or at the very least, have my hours slashed to the point that I'm going to have to find a new job) that I'm going to look for something more sedentary.

Honestly, if I had a desk job and kept up with how much I'm currently eating, I'd be a LOT fatter already.  Probably not in as good shape though...and that's a balance point I have to be careful of because as soon as I start to feel unhealthy, I freak out and drop some weight.  I know it's completely possible to be heavy and healthy.  I just have to find the balance between being fat and still feeling all right.

11 December 2012

So I drove to a virtually inaccessible part of town to a specialty food shop and acquired a gi-normous bag of Callebaut "callets".  Really, they're just fancy chocolate chips...but there's a LOT of them.  I buy our pet food in smaller bags than this stuff comes in.  I got 10 kilograms (22 lbs).  It makes sense because I'm already eating chocolate everyday...it's just the lower quality stuff from the grocery store.  In bulk, the good stuff ends up costing the same.  And now I have a few month's supply.  Or less, I guess, depending on how many I manage to eat.  I'm going to keep a bowl of them beside the computer and just munch on them whenever I can.  Effortless calories that will translate into faster gaining.  Gotta love it.

Just ran the data on them: 230 calories for every 40 grams.   For you Americans...40 grams really isn't that much...not even a small handful really.  I just tossed back a whole bowl of them in about two minutes - I don't know what the actual weight was but I'm pretty sure it was a lot more than 40 grams worth! 

The entire bag, if consumed as the part of the calories that are above and beyond my maintenance level, will result in over 16 pounds of extra body mass. 

And speaking of getting fatter...as of today I'm weighing in at 195 pounds again.  I haven't been keeping track of the numbers very well this month but as far as I can tell, I've managed to gain about 10 pounds back in the last 4 -6 weeks. 

I've definitely rounded out more and I can feel everything, especially in my belly area, stretching and filling out again.  I've had to move up a belt notch already and still my gut is "muffin topping" over it. 

I'm on a roll and I sincerely hope I'll be able to keep up this rate of expansion for a few months at least.  I really want to break that 200 pound barrier again and start moving up (finally!) into the substantially larger numbers.

Also 10 December 2012

All righty people...I've taken the plunge and added a Paypal donation button to this blog (righthand side...scroll down below "Followers" and there it is...). 

Some of you might consider me a whore for doing this.  I probably am...at least a little bit...but let's be honest here: in a large way I'm already whoring myself out by sharing my inner thoughts and pictures of my growing body with...let's be honest...a large number of strangers as well as the Internet in general (anyone remember that awesome-not Reddit link to my blog back in December 2010?) 

I am *already* so much *out there*.  

And I'm NOT suggesting that *anyone* needs to actually *use* the button to partake of this blog.

At this point it means A LOT more to me that people are sharing my experience.  This blog is helping me to clarify my own thoughts and to record my own journey into a strange realm that not many others choose to venture into.  I am simply adding the button in an attempt to remove part of the financial hurdle to my ability to gain.

Also, consider this: money in this context is an extraordinarily powerful tool for encouragement: every cent donated will be used to purchase extra food that I am honour bound to consume. 

Consider the ramifications of this...

10 December 2012

Nothing really dramatic to report today.  Just eating as much as I can, as often as I can.   Am swallowing down at least one of those improvised Ensure/cream shakes every day...sometimes two but definitely one before bedtime.  The extra calories and fat are helping:  I'm seeing a slow and steady gain - not as fast as I would like but at least it's progress. 

Exactly two years ago I was ten pounds heavier than I am now.  I'm still trying to figure out why I dropped the weight.  If I'd only stayed on a course of even moderate gaining, say a single pound every week, I'd be SO fat by now. 

Ah well.  I guess these things happen in their own time.  And when I finally do manage to get to my proper weight, it's going to be all that much more gratifying for having waited so long to achieve it!

Though I admit that my mood is a bit foul today.  At that dinner last Saturday I'm almost certain I was fed something containing gluten...not by my friends at my first meal, but at the official second meal put on by the people running the hall.  It was only one bite of a tart crust...but based on how digestively unhappy I'm feeling (as well as feeling a teensy bit depressed for no apparent reason), I'd bet anything it was a regular tart served by accident to me.  To be fair, the gluten free ones looked damned near identical to the regular ones!  I can totally understand someone grabbing the wrong one in the chaos that always ensues when a volunteer group attempts to feed 200 people at the same time.  I'm just uber-grateful that I was so full from the first dinner that I only took a single bite of that "poison" tart...or things would be so much worse for me today.

The effect of gluten on my digestive system is somewhat like throwing a handful of sand into some well oiled gears: the machine keeps working but it's not too happy and runs like crap until the sand works its way out.  And that's all I'm going to say about that because I risk taking this blog into some really unsavory and graphic places if I go on into too much detail about what's going on, digestively, for me  Suffice to say: if you CAN eat wheat based products with no problem, I envy you!  As for me...now it's just a waiting game...and lots of fiber...to help this "sand" work its way out!

Actually, speaking of envy, I confess I'm a little envious of a local gainer I met a few years ago.  We were both at about the same place with respect to BMI's (it's the only comparison that even remotely close to accurate because he was five inches taller than me).  I just cruised by on Grommr - he's looking fabulous, almost 300 pounds now.  And I'm *exactly* the same weight now, as I was when I met him...oh, about three years ago.  I don't begrudge him his success.  Not one bit!  But I really need to get my own butt in gear and keep my commitment to this if I'm ever going to see the same success myself.

Okay, I'll stop whining now.  I just needed to put that out there because part of this blog is about sharing what's going on inside my head.  Today it's a little dark and rainy in there. 

Let's hope for sunny skies tomorrow.

9 December 2012

I have to say I really like the Christmas season, even if only for one thing: it's the only time of year that eating to excess appears to be openly encouraged.  Seriously think about it:  Thanksgiving is just one day.  Christmas is a whole month of parties, cookies, chocolates, multiple dinners with various family members...

I went to a 200+ person Christmas party last night at a recreational group I belong to and managed to stuff myself with some amazing food a friend had made and brought especially for the three of us who are gluten free.  She made everything that was on the regular menu, but gluten free.  For scheduling reasons that included a sick cat at home, we ate early and they left early.  Then, to my surprise, the people cooking the regular dinner had also made accomodation for the gluten free people (apparently there were others in the crowd I didn't know about) and I was good-naturedly forced to stuff down a second large meal about two hours later.  Seriously, it was a gainer's dream scenario and also one of the few times being celiac has actually worked in my favour as a gainer!

Got home, went to sleep, woke up six hours later...hungry.  Which is really good news to me because I swear I must have eaten almost whole day's worth of "regular person" (ie. non-gainer) food with those two combined dinners.

Being hungry now...so soon...I'm ecstatic that my body is FINALLY getting used to the extra calories and has now come to demand them.  I'd really like to keep up with 4000 calories a day and, when I'm sure I've gotten firmly in the habit, build on that.  I'm not sure realistically how much food a person can eat in a day and still find time to go to work at a physically busy job and do all the other stuff life demands but I guess the only way to find out is to try.  Regardless I'm feeling hugely encouraged by my newly acquired capacity for so much more food!

And I'm getting creative at finding quick, easy and, most important of all, palatable ways to slam back hundreds of calories without ending up painfully bloated.  My most recent invention is probably not news to anyone else but I'm quite proud of it: a version of a gainer shake that uses a 235ml bottle of Ensure Plus Calories (still available in Canada...for now at least) in a 400 ml glass, with the glass topped up to the brim with 35% heavy cream.  It's an excellent combination because it's super easy to prepare and the strong flavour of the Ensure (I'm currently using chocolate flavour) masks the somewhat cloying nature of the cream.  It ends up being a rich milkshake that goes down really easily and doesn't cause too much bloat.  I just ran the numbers and each one of those shakes ends up being 903 calories at a cost that comes in about the same as a McDonald's milkshake and with the convenience factor of being able to have them conveniently available anytime of the day without having to go out into the mind-numbing cold and get one.    I'm trying to drink two of these shakes each day.  I'm happy too because the Ensure has some vitamins and nutrients...something I feel I'm missing sometimes when I gaining hard and a 200 calorie salad starts to seem like a waste of time and effort (don't worry, I've found a way to work salad and veggies into my diet as well...)

Something else I did yesterday that I'm proud of, and yes I admit slightly titillated by, was that I was able for the first time in my life to be positively affirming with people I know in the real world - friends as well as relative strangers - about the fact that I know I'm getting fat, that I will likely be even fatter the next time I see most of them, and that I'm absolutely okay if I end up gaining a whole lot of weight, if that's what going off one's diet means. I stopped just short of saying that I am actually working hard to make this weight gain a reality because I don't want to come across as a freak to people who might not "get" or agree with what I'm doing.  Also, my weight gain so far doesn't have much impact right now because a lot of these people knew me during that brief time a couple of years ago when I managed to get my weight up to 202 lbs...and even at that weight I was only JUST starting to really be what I'd consider actually fat and not just the husky/chubster thing I'm rocking right now.  I guess I just want to lay the groundwork so people aren't too shocked or worried as I begin to seriously pack on the pounds.  And next year, hopefully, I want to roll into that same Christmas party, seventy pounds heavier and sporting what I hope by then will be an awesomely large and round belly. 

I'm going to continue my efforts at self affirmation with others, as the topic comes up, and even with people with whom this will be a very hard and intense conversation.  It's a good exercise, not just for my relationships with others but also as an affirimation to my self.  I've always been "closeted" about gaining and, although I'm never going to be the poster child for the gainer community, I really do think it's time I start to openly "own" this aspect of myself.  Especially since the more successful I am, and the fatter I get, the more obvious it is going to be that something's up with me.  I don't want shame or fear of what other people might be thinking about what I'm doing to continue to be a hurdle to my success at something I admit I've always wanted for myself.  And, so far with the very few people I've "come out" to (other than, for example anonymously online here...which don't get me wrong has been an amazing experience but isn't a substitute for honesty in one's face-to face relationships), the reaction hasn't been nearly as negative as I would have thought.  In fact, it's kind of been a non-issue, which is weird because it's always been such a huge deal (no pun intended) for me!

Wow.  I'm actually hungry again...

3 December 2012

Here's how things have been going:

I had four days off over the Remembrance Day weekend and I devoted them almost entirely to eating.  I managed to get a few 4000 calorie days in, however, once I got back to working full time hours the opportunities to eat were somewhat lessened and since then have been on either a maintenance/slow gain diet.

And I *have* gained weight...well, fat at least.  For the week after the four day eating extravaganza, the scale numbers actually went *down* in spite of the fact that my belly definitely got bigger.  I chalk it up to the fact that while sitting for four days in front of the computer and television doing nothing but eating did wonders for my ability to get fatter, it didn't do so much for my overall health or muscle tone.

The last couple of weeks my objective (scale) weight has gone up seven pounds and I've managed to hang on to all the fat I gained and didn't just turn it back into calf muscle (so much of this job depends on pushing heavy items over long distances.  If I ever get fired, I'll be able to absolutely kick it in shopping cart races).

I'm looking at ways to vary my diet.  I know the last time I was able to gain a substantial amount of weight it was partly because I had free access to literally pounds and pounds of high quality chocolate.  Sadly, the chocolate is gone and if I want to get more, I'm going to have to pay for it this time (the last time was a hugely generous gift).  Although I think it's tacky for people to put up "pay to watch me gain" websites, I *am* starting to understand the practicality of it.  Gaining requires eating a substantially lot more food than I do regularly.  Gaining on the gluten free diet severely restricts my access to cheap, easy carbohydrates (virtually every fast food chain is off limits to me) and there's a great deal of planning that has to take place if I'm not going to break our bank account.  Also, right now my paycheque is supporting not just me, but another person and two animals.  I'm not complaining about money (or lack of it) but I admit I'm kind of stumped as to how to vary my diet and how to provide myself convenient access to reasonably priced food that won't make me sick.

Anyway, if anyone's got any helpful suggestions, I'd love to hear them...

And now I'm off to eat a pot of white rice with ground up flax and coconut milk...   

16 November 2012

All right then...here's what's new in my world:

I've been on my enhanced "diet" for a few days now.  Got good at getting to 3500 for the first few days.  Yesterday I finally broke 4000 (4155, to be exact).  It's a bit of a learning curve.  I still have a tendency to overdo it and make myself ill - yesterday afternoon was a little rough because I slammed back 1500 calories and then tried to sleep. 

The key, I think, is to break up the calories into smaller, more frequent meals.  I'm trying to go for about 800 calories five times a day (or on average at least).   It seems to be working.  After eating so much yesterday and all night, I'm kind of surprised to discover that I'm already hungry again (don't worry, a big breakfast is in the works as I type this).  I'm also keeping high calorie food handy to increase how often/how much I'm eating.

I hope that once I get used to the 4000 calorie a day routine that I will be able to slowly increase how much I eat without getting sick.  Even small additions are going to make a huge difference: if I can get to 5000 calories a day (a measly extra 200 calories per meal), it will mean the difference between being 225 pounds and 255 pounds by March 1st.  Adding another 200 calories per meal on top of that (6000 total per day) would mean I'd be 30 pounds even heavier by the same date! 

Call it training for gaining.  All I know is that I'd like to get to a point where a large caloric intake will become normal for me.  I was doing research about professional swimmers and how they routinely eat up to 8000 calories a day (and don't actually gain weight because they exercise some crazy amount).  I think if their bodies can absorb and use 8000 calories a day, I could certainly train up to that.  I'm not sure I'd want to though because there's probably a substantial difference between eating and burning off that many calories vs eating and storing that many calories as fat.   I think I'd seriously freak out everyone I know if by March 1st I was a whopping 345 pounds.   I imagine the stretch marks would be positively brutal as well.

But...back to earth...

The only downside I'm currently seeing is that I'm consistently weighing in at 187-188 this week.  I guess I slid a little further than I thought when I was sick.  On the plus side, all the extra food I've eaten this week is doing its work.  I'm starting to fill out again.  I'd take pictures but there's really nothing new to see yet.  I know.

I'm feeling as frustrated as you must be feeling with my lack of progress. 

10 November 2012

And I'm back.  It's been an weird few weeks.  I managed to catch the abominable flu that's been going around.  I went three days in a row without eating and hardly being able to drink even water (a very bad situation for someone who is trying gain weight!) and then just as I was recovering from that, managed to get food poisoning that took a full week to clear up. 

Now I'm tired...exhausted really...and can't remember a time when I wasn't. 

That's the bad news. 

The good news is that even though I haven't been eating as much as I should, I haven't been exerting myself that much either.  At one point a couple weeks ago I weighed in at 182 but I've since rebounded.  I suspect a lot of that loss was simple dehydration from being sick.

Currently I'm back to around 190.  I probably should weigh myself to be certain but I'm just so tired of seeing the same damned 189 staring back at me from the scale.  Now that I'm feeling better, I just want to blindly eat a whole bunch of stuff so that there's at least some progress to see when I do step on that scale.  I know.  Not very scientific.  And probably counterproductive.

Some encouragement: tonight I went out to a social event and, for the first time in probably a year, wore a dress shirt that needed to be tucked in.  I could tell from the looks people who normally see me in a loose, untucked T-shirt were giving me that they were noticing how much more belly I've got now.  Even *I* was impressed by how well that shirt was showing off my roundness!

Anyway, since I've fallen waaay off the gaining wagon lately, I'm going to do some spreadsheet work and try to get my daily calories back up to around 4000....and then religiously stick to that intake long enough that it becomes my new normal.   Somehow I need to convince my metabolic "autopilot" to go along for the ride.  I hope simple repetition and routine and time will be enough to set me on a path of perpetual weight gain.  I know a gain of two pounds a week isn't nearly as exciting as big short-term gains where the changes are immediate and noticeable but in the long run even a small gain... every single week for months or years...is going to add up.

Interesting too, to see how the poll is progressing.  For the first 50 votes or so, it was almost a perfect Bell curve with a gain to 260 being the most popular choice.  Now, after over 80 votes, it seems a slim majority of people who took the poll think I should just keep going past 300 pounds.   Again, I admit I'm extraordinarly intrigued by the idea of gaining up to...and then past.. the 300 pound mark.  I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to be a hundred and ten pounds heavier than I am now.  I know physically I would be a LOT bigger.    And I suspect that, based on how positive I'm feeling about the mass I've already gained, that I would be right at home in my much bigger body. 

19 October 2012

Hey all...

I haven't posted much lately because there's really not much to report.

Need to get my act together a little better I guess...

24 September 2012

Just checking in - not much change in weight.  If anything, I appear to be developing some awesome muscles, especially in my abdomen, shoulders, and legs, from the intense and crazy workouts I'm doing everyday as part of this job.  There is literally constant, rapid movement required that requires hucking 13 pound boxes of stuff or else pushing 600 pound carts of stuff for literally miles around the building for the entire shift.  What's more awesome...?  In spite of the fact that the position was officially downgraded to parttime, it's still fulltime hours (thank goodness I'm paid by the hour).

But I'm not complaining.  Some of the extra money will be invested in food...so in the end it will all work out.

I'm still holding fast weight-wise...above 190 (and I plan to keep it that way).  I've been adding all kinds of extras such as cookies, almonds, chocolate bars, chips...really anything caloric and portable.  I know I should be trying for healthy alternatives but right now I'm getting lazy and going for what's easy.  Once I get the weight on, I can be a little more choosy about what I consume.

Everyday I also manage to get in a half can of coconut milk onto my rice.  I've upgraded to the good stuff: pure coconut milk and not the crap with the gum fillers and preservatives.  It really does seem to be making a difference.  And it sure tastes better than the cheap crap.  It really IS worth spending a dollar more for a can of it.

I've also pretty much cleaned out the local market of the Ensure Plus 355 calorie stuff.  It's on sale now, I guess because the rumours are true and it truly HAS been discontinued.  They're starting to stock the high protein alternative instead.  Which is sad.

Still working a bit with the fenugreek.  It does appear to be working as intended.  The only downside is the fact that I was ingesting so much that my sweat was starting to smell like rancid salad dressing.  So I've cut back a bit on the fenugreek tea.

I'm going to start experimenting with a few other things. I tried a strong fennel seed tea.  Fennel is supposed to relax your digestive system.  I'm not sure if there's a connection (ie. if it's sedative for the rest of you as well) but last week I had some of the tea around noon, went to bed at one, and slept so hard that I was late for my midnight shift.  It's been a long time since I've slept a full 11 hours...

The are a few other foodbased supplements I'm going to try - I just need to get my hands on them (some need to be special ordered)

And...it's finally cooling off here.  I always find it SO much easier to overeat when it's not scorching, sweaty hot outside. 

So that's really all there is to report right now.  I'll keep you posted.  I'm looking forward to when I can post more pictures.  Right now there just isn't anything new to see.

10 September 2012 Part II

Well, so far so good.  The fenugreek hasn't made me sick or anything.  Just slept eight hours and now up for a large breakfast.  I've made half again as much as I usually eat.  I'm going to try and increase all the portion sizes of everything I eat, as well as adding as many extras in as I can.  I've concluded the small additions every day can add up to big gains down the road (I guess something for people to remember if they ever tried to actually lose weight)!

I've changed my approach to the fenugreek seed.  Like I said...that stuff tastes just nasty on its own.  Tonight I ground some up, boiled some in water until it was thick, strained the mess out and then drank the resulting liquid with sugar and lemon juice.  Didn't taste too bad, though there was a weird medicinal taste afterwards.  Still, a LOT better than trying to simply eat it by itself or mixed with coconut.

Do I feel hungrier or less bloated?  I'm not sure.  I'm going to try this for a week or two and see.  I'm all up for anything that will help me consume more calories.   Although I've enjoyed being heavier the last few years, in truth, I've never even come close to being as big as I've always wanted to be. I am excited to think of what it's going to be like as I get bigger.

With respect to the job change - I did manage to get a temporary assignment but the joke apparently is on me because 3/4 of the job I'm not qualified to do (though it's easy enough to learn).  I must be officially trained in the position and by the time they locate someone to (officially!) do it, the assignment will be over.  So, for all intents and purposes, the new job is essentially identical to the old one.  Meh.  At least the pay is good and the work is easy.

10 September 2012

Today is the official start of the new diet!

I just had a (somewhat disgusting) smoothie that involved coconut milk and powdered fenugreek seed.  I sincerely need to tweak that recipe.  Or else get some empty capsules and fill them with fenugreek and just swallow them. I've decided I'm not a big fan of the taste of it. 

On the plus side, I just nailed over a thousand calories in one shot and so far not feeling too bad considering the huge amount of fat I've just eaten.  Is the fenugreek helping?  Or is it all in my mind?

I've been crunching the numbers and have decided it's all in the details.  There's a gigantic difference (no pun intended) between eating 3500 calories vs. 4000 calories per day.  That extra 500 calories (one large chocolate bar, for example) makes the difference between being 213 pounds by Christmas...or being 229 pounds. 

If I could get my caloric intake up to 5000 calories per day (and keep it up every single day) I'd actually be 261 pounds by New Year's Eve.  While a 70 pound gain in less than three months would be mindblowingly awesome...I also think it would be extraordinarily hard on my body.

I think I'm going to aim for about the middle of the road at 3850.  I estimate it's about 1000 calories more per day than I strictly need.   That's going to equate to about 2 pounds per week.  Not glamorous but certainly do-able. 

I just need to be able to keep up the pace because that's the only way I'm going to get results!

2 September 2012

So I've gained back 4.5 pounds and am now at 193.  I'm finding this yoyo-ing crazymaking.

I blame my job.  I've managed to draw the "short straw" for the last little while and as a result have been doing what is likely the most strenuous job in the building.  Part of the problem is that I'm working with a large number of people who are in love with the paycheque but who really aren't all that invested in applying themselves.  As low man on the totem pole, I don't really have much control over where I work. 

That being said...

I've put in a bid for a short term change (with a chance of being there permanently if I don't screw up too badly) for a more sedentary position.  If I get it, and keep my caloric intake at my current level, I'm going to blow up big.

The only other alternative is to try and eat even more. 

Or...best of both worlds: eat more, do less...and get even bigger even faster.

And it appears the public has spoken via the poll: that majority of you want to see me get really, really fat. 

I'm glad we're on the same page.

17 August 2012

Well I'm back.  It was an interesting mosquito infested time.  But a good break that gave me lots and lots of time to think.

The bad news is in spite of doing everything I could while I was gone to maintain...I wasn't very good at it.  Tonight I'm down to 189.5. 

As Comic Book Guy would say: Worst...Gainer...Ever!!!

So I'm off to go have a sizeable dinner.

Also looking into supplementing with fenugreek.  I read some info on Xero Limits "Engorge" capsules and, because I can't seem to find a local supplier, am going to see if good old fenugreek supplements (which I WAS able to find, and which appear to be the main active ingredient of the "Engorge" capsules) will have any impact.

8 August 2012

Not much new to report.  Eating as much as I can though this damnable heat and humidity are making it really hard.  Not sure why summer is such an appetite killer.  We're getting collosal thunderstorms and pounding rain but the temperature just isn't dropping.  Even the nighttime temps are staying way up.  Weirdly warm winter followed by weirdly warm summer.  I really can't wait for the cooler weather to roll in (hopefully in a few weeks).

I'm going to "drop off the grid" for about a week.  No laptop, no internet, no phone service.  I'm packing as much food as I can reasonably carry (there's nowhere to restock).  I'm not sure how much gaining I'm able to do but hopefully I'll at least be able to maintain what I've got.

As of today I'm 193.

Interesting following the poll.  Now three people have suggested I lose it all.  Is it the same person voting three times?  Or is there really that significant a number of people following this blog who are truly against what I'm doing?  I guess I'm still baffled by the thought that someone would read a blog they disagreed with.  Feel free to drop me a line at roundboy123456@yahoo.ca and enlighten me.

I was contemplating today of making a game of the poll: the first option that gets 20 votes...that's what I'll gain to.  Whaddya all think?

1 August 2012

So...the appetite has come back after a somewhat hellish week of all kinds of digestive mayhem.  I won't bore you with the details.  Suffice to say things were going on that I didn't think were possible to have happening at the same time.

Anyway...I'm back to eating tons of carbs, lots of rice, potatoes etc. and I've upped my fat intake as well.  I finally found a brand of coconut milk that's *just* coconut.  I was buying the cheap stuff before and not only does it NOT taste very good, but it's got all kinds of preservatives that really weren't agreeing with me.  Which is a relief - I thought I was mildly allergic to coconut because when I ate the cheap stuff, I'd start wheezing a little bit.  Turns out it was a reaction to the added chemicals because the pure coconut milk...no problem whatsoever. 

I'm still trying to work more vegetables into the mix.  I think I'm going to adopt a Sumo diet (with less beer.  I really hope it's not the beer that makes those guys so huge because if that's the case...I'm sunk because gluten free beer is outrageously expensive). 

Weighed myself this morning and the scale said 190.5.  Not sure what the deal is because I KNOW I'm gaining.  I can see/feel that I'm bigger.  I even had a comment last week about "how well developed my abs were getting".  It was said sarcastically, by the way.  I'm blaming the weight loss on dehydration.  It's been uncharacteristically hot and humid here for weeks and weeks now.  Usually we just get a week of this and then it's done.  Not this year.  I feel like we've been transplanted to Georgia or something.  I hope the weather breaks soon (and not in a tornado-ey way either). 

That's the news so far.

I also want to say 'thanks' to the people who are taking the time to vote on the poll.  It's interesting to see the results so far.  I'm assuming the person who clicked "lose it all" is a holdover from when this blog was crosslinked to a weight loss thread on Reddit last year because I'm not sure, otherwise, why you'd be reading a gainer blog...or how you'd even have found it otherwise.   That being said, we're all entitled to our opinions and I'm glad you voted.

It is also interesting to see how many people, so far, have indicated I should keep going past 235.  I'll be honest - 235 I can grasp.  At that weight I'll be bigger...a lot bigger...but I can still wrap my head around being that big.  260 is a bit of a stretch for me.  I've looked it pictures of guys my height and at 260...well, that's very, very solid.  Over 300 pounds?  I'll be honest - I'm not sure I'm prepared for that.  I mean, don't get me wrong - I really, REALLY love the idea of getting to be that fat.  It's not the mechanics of the actual gaining, or the change to my looks, or to my body mass I'm worried about - I just worry that if I got TOO heavy I wouldn't be able to do many of the things I love to do.  I do think it's possible to be fat and healthy and active.  I know people who are.  I guess for me I'm going to have to find out through experience, trial and error, what size is best for me.  Keep gaining until I feel too heavy and then lose a little until I'm comfortable.  All I know is...I've got a looong ways to go yet before I'd even consider myself getting too big.    

25 July 2012

And...food poisoning.  If the raw chicken smells bad, even if you rinse it off and cook it thoroughly...eating it is a very, very bad idea.  So, a minor setback, seeing as the mere thought of food has been a little offputting for the last couple of days.

22 July 2012

Been eating and eating...pretty much nonstop.   I'm amazed and pleased to see how much mass I've already gained in my belly.  I know part of it's bloat, etc. but it just feels so good to be growing again.

18 July 2012

Hey everyone...

I'm back.  Took a bit of a break from gaining and as a result really didn't have anything to post here.

Though I haven't made any gaining progress, I haven't really lost any ground either.  I'm still fluctuating somewhere between 193 and 195 pounds, which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. 

I have kept up the eating which is the only reason I haven't dropped back down to 180 (which is usually what happens when I stop actively trying to put on weight).  Or, perhaps 190+ is my new "normal" weight...which is okay with me.  That just gives me a better base upon which to build.

I feel like I'm hovering right on the edge - I've gotten heavier but don't really consider myself fat yet.  Part of it, I guess, is the fact that I've finally gotten used to being this big.  It wasn't until this evening, when I put on a super tight T-shirt, that I realized "hey, if my reflection was actually someone else, I'd say, objectively, that guy is starting to get a pretty decent belly"

Having made that realization...I'm motivated to start expanding again.  I very much want to be substantially larger than I currently am.

The goal is still to get to 235. I really had hoped to get there by last April but apparently I'm just not that good a gainer. Slow and steady, I guess.  I realized tonight that if I only ate an extra 500 calories a day, that'd still net me 52 pounds in a year.  104 pounds in 2 years if I kept it up...and so on. 

If I'd started with that mindset a year ago, I'd already be up over 240 pounds by now!

8 February 2012

Too...much...butter...!

Actually, it's more the fact that there's so much salt in that stuff. I guess it really is meant to be a condiment and not a main dish.

A good experiment but I don't think I'll try that again. I'm going to stick to just putting a little bit in everything I eat, and eating more of everything in general...

7 February 2012

So as of today I'm consistently weighing in at 196 pounds. And it shows - I'm overjoyed with the view when I look down and I can see how swollen my stomach is getting.

I'm back into gaining mode, trying to get back up over 200 pounds again so that I can start breaking new ground. This afternoon I ate some mashed potatoes with a half pound of butter (yes, I measured...this is no exaggeration).

So far feeling okay but going to take it easy for the next few hours just in case it's too much fat all at once (I still gag a little when I remember the liter of vegetable oil I once drank...and how gloriously I vomited for what felt like days...but I'm sure was only for a few hours).

I'm thinking of trying to consume more butter each day on top of what I regularly eat. I realize this sounds radical but remember that my diet is limited: very little fast food, not much in the way of donuts or cookies (where most other people get their fat overload from), no cake unless I feel like splurging for a $8 gluten free version of an 8"x8" sheet cake, etc.

Butter really is a cost effective solution. Of course it will be interesting to see how this will impact my cholesterol levels (I'm still not entirely convinced that intake of dietary fat is linked to elevated cholesterol...but I guess we'll find out)

3 February 2012

So as promised, here are some progress shots. I apologize for the primitive cutting and pasting - I'm using Paintbrush for this. It's not sophisticated but it gets the job done.

As you can see, I'm getting rounder. The top two pictures of the series are 190 and 195 pounds and the bottom, for comparison's sake, is what I looked like at 184 pounds.

I realize these aren't huge jumps in weight compared to what I was hoping for by this time (I should have been 210 pounds by now). The charts and graphs kind of went out the window after Christmas. With all the stuff that was taking up my time attention, I'm actually really pleased that I was able to make it to 195 without any real conscious effort on my part (other than eating as much as I could, as often as I could).

And although it's not a huge gain, I certainly do feel bigger. I'm starting to look thicker all over now but most of the extra mass is going to my belly. It's really getting heavy now, starting to hang down a bit. I love how wide my stomach is getting, how I'm finally properly filling out my XL t-shirts. I can totally see a time when they're going to be as tight on me as the L's are on me now.

And on the topic of clothing: I never did get out to buy new pants. Instead I compromised by moving the buttons on them. I gained an inch of waist size on them and put off the inevitable expenditure for a little while yet...though I'm not sure how much longer because they're already starting to feel tight again.

Anyway, I'm off to eat some more. While I'm pleased with my progress so far...how I look...how it feels to (finally!) be getting fat...I know I don't want to stop until I'm a LOT bigger than I am right now.

23 January 2012

There really isn't much to report yet. I'm still around 194. Interestingly, all my pants have become too tight. I'm not sure what's going on...except that maybe I'm developing some abdominal muscles under the flab. Anyway, I guess today it's off to get some new pants (size 40, in case you're curious...)

14 January 2012

Hello everyone...

I AM still around. I just took a little break from the gaining for a couple of weeks.

Christmas was painful, to say the least. Christmas dinner was with the in-laws and the whole scene was just one huge illustration as to why it's SO much better to save one's pennies and simply flee to some tropical locale for the last two weeks of each year.

There was a LOT of food at the dinner and I ended up with two thin pieces of ham, some bad cole slaw, and mashed potatoes. There was so much food there that I simply couldn't eat because it had been made with things poisonous to me (gluten): perogies, cabbage rolls, scalloped cheese potatoes, etc. As soon as we showed up there I knew it was going to be a bad scene: there were plates and plates full of cookies and cheese and other treats and the only thing that was gluten free (or wasn't cross-contaminated with something with gluten in it) was the pickled fish. And even that...based on how wretched I felt the next morning...may have had a passing acquaintance with gluten. It was almost comical (at least it would have been had I not been so hungry) when the mother in law comes out with her only accomodation to me...I swear...possibly the only NON-celiac friendly rice crackers in the world.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that...other than: next year I'm going to eat Christmas dinner at home and simply have drinks with the family.

Well, one more thing: Christmas is a very hard time of year for me. I don't know why. Nothing bad ever happened to me at Christmas. I just find the whole thing to be forced and filled with artificial joy. I could easily skip the whole mess and not miss it one bit.

So I fell off the "gaining train" for the last couple of weeks. In fact earlier this week I was at work feeling vague and fuzzy and having a hard time concentrating. For the longest time I couldn't figure out what was going on (thought I was getting sick). Then I realized I was hungry! It'd been so long since I was hungry I guess I forgot what it felt like. I started ramping up my food intake again and have been feeling better.

And for the record, I haven't actually gained any weight since my last post (still a solid 194) but at least have not lost any weight either.

This week I'm going to work on getting back into the swing of things...